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This is a CRITIQUE forum...Stoking and smoking poetry critiques. This is not a forum for the faint-hearted. It is strongly advised that you first post a poem in the On Track forum to get input prior to posting it here.Posting Rules: You may post 1 piece each day but you must post one thoughtful and substantial reply to at least one other writer here before posting your own poem.
(Moderator: Normpo)
Topics: 531
Posts: 4427
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Hot Topic (More than 10 Replies)
Fascinatingly Different (Revised)
3rd Revision
Abled differently, 
this child is a wonder, 
a source of delight 
to those who recognize 
her as unique.   
She holds the happiness
others seek in vain,...

Started Oct 20th, 2006 at 11:32am by sunilmathur
12 134 Last Post Dec 5th, 2006 at 6:45am
By: sunilmathur
Normal Topic
** love sick
Cold words carry the sting of frostbite,
a most intimate threat to tender flesh.
Exposed to such mean treatment
its healthy glow dims to shadow. 
Conflicted, love, turns chill<br /...

Started Dec 30th, 2009 at 7:27pm by peach
8 206 Last Post Jan 3rd, 2010 at 6:36pm
By: nas
Hot Topic (More than 10 Replies)
Call Upon the Wind (please help with punctuation)
[font=Verdana][color=Purple][i]
I whisper to the trees
to pass my word to the wind.
Carry this message to my love
on your currents high aloft.
My cries to the night sky;<br...

Started Sep 16th, 2007 at 4:51am by Zaac
12 170 Last Post Apr 10th, 2008 at 12:17am
By: KerrinScott
Hot Topic (More than 10 Replies)
What's Broken?
This was offered in class to the prompt of the title "What's Broken"...no other requirements to the assignment.
What's Broken?
The ribs all down his right side ache just like a four-hole pun...

Started Mar 2nd, 2010 at 1:22pm by dericlee
13 123 Last Post Mar 20th, 2010 at 2:18am
By: Tim
Normal Topic
Earning the Rank of Dad
The story ends—though now he knows it really has just started.
The truth has fin'ly been exposed.  All lies have been discarded.
And though a casualty he's not, can't help but feel retarded....

Started Feb 22nd, 2006 at 4:53pm by Shawn_M._Roeder
5 55 Last Post Mar 31st, 2006 at 10:50pm
By: Shawn_M._Roeder
Normal Topic
** time will tell
Mourners, sink down 
on knees, assemble, 
stiff as knives, 
plunged into newly dug earth,  
Despair like a shawl
hovering around them.
Tears running
down cheeks,  <b...

Started Jan 11th, 2010 at 1:01pm by peach
5 126 Last Post May 15th, 2011 at 1:30am
By: peach
Normal Topic
** Mother's Day
She sits like this 
for hours, 
statue still
perched at the edge of her bed,
from the doorway 
the curve of her cheek, 
immersed in shadow, 
Across the room 
th...

Started May 8th, 2009 at 2:26pm by peach
4 152 Last Post Nov 3rd, 2011 at 6:04am
By: peach
Normal Topic
Lunar Light
Lunar Light
Full moonlight glows just right
when starlight twinkles dim
and sunlight stares too bright.
Artemis strolls at night
when starlight is too thin,
Apollo’s glar...

Started Mar 21st, 2008 at 7:55pm by Don (Ex Member)
7 10 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: duetsdove - Ex Member
Hot Topic (More than 10 Replies)
Troll Patrol (fantasy)
Troll Patrol
Have you seen a pet troll,
which left on mole patrol
into a snug foxhole?
Often atop a pole
it sleeps in a keyhole,
or curled about a bowl.
Be careful w...

Started Dec 23rd, 2007 at 3:51pm by Don (Ex Member)
10 62 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: Don - Ex Member
Normal Topic
I Do Remember Well
I like this piece a lot, but i dont like the lines that say "when its a sunny day, like when you were here"
The only other thing i want to know is if it flows well and the lines and stanzas make ...

Started Mar 18th, 2007 at 7:27pm by isaac (Ex Member)
6 69 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: isaac - Ex Member
Normal Topic
Tishrei 10 ( A Journal Entry)
Tishrei 10
(A Journal Entry)
Obedience obeys compulsion’s call
to humbleness, humiliating pride,
as sheepishly one blameless takes the fall 
to resurrect the hope that Deat...

Started Jan 27th, 2007 at 4:03pm by D. Allen Jenkins (Ex Member)
4 6 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: D. Allen Jenkins - Ex Member
Normal Topic
A NORMal Limerick
A NORMal Limerick
I’m friends with a poet named Norm
who’s rather proficient with form.
To read his free-verse
is never a curse;
perhaps one day I’ll conform!
© D. Allen Jenkins

Started Jan 22nd, 2007 at 6:50pm by D. Allen Jenkins (Ex Member)
8 10 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: Just_Daniel - Ex Member
Normal Topic
Sun Mid-Night (A Villonnet)
Sun Mid-Night
(A Villonnet) 
If darkness ever came to know delight,
would sorrow cease? Would joy, perchance, become
the desperado’s goal as he rides t’ward
the everlasting...

Started Jan 18th, 2007 at 5:10am by D. Allen Jenkins (Ex Member)
4 2 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: D. Allen Jenkins - Ex Member
Normal Topic
NOSTALGIA
A very old piece, more than thirty years old. It's also posted in Fast Track   
Nostalgia 
 
Little bits and pieces   
of memory 
come to fill the thesis   
on you and me. ...

Started Jan 17th, 2007 at 10:04am by writer (Ex Member)
5 2 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: percephanie - Ex Member
Normal Topic
Hooked - Revised 1/7/07
Hooked -  Revision #1  thanks for the help, Scotty 
 
I took one sip of you 
and gasped 
then drained the rest 
in one long gulp. 
 
I hold my empty glass 
in t...

Started Jan 7th, 2007 at 9:06pm by writer (Ex Member)
5 7 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: Normpo
Normal Topic
Ponderings of a Pneumatic Puncher (Revised)
[b]I found this one buried in my files, and thought I'd pull it out for some fresh perspective. I don't recall if I ever posted this here initially, but if I did I've tried to play with it a little...
Revision

Started Jan 5th, 2007 at 9:54pm by D. Allen Jenkins (Ex Member)
5 39 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: Normpo
Normal Topic
a scent of yesteryear
a scent of yesteryear
Sweet rose of summer, stirring love and dreams
but weeks ago, stands witchy now, stripped stark
of all her petals, leaves… mere thorny bark
remains to cast a ...

Started Jan 3rd, 2007 at 6:01pm by Just_Daniel (Ex Member)
6 4 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: Just_Daniel - Ex Member
Normal Topic
Whose Head
Whose Head
Is that you swinging the porchlight?
Where does the echo of your footsteps
stop?
.........You can’t be
in every room at once, or break quietly 
into my skull to peer through its socke...

Started Dec 30th, 2006 at 10:26pm by James_AL_Midgley (Ex Member)
2 7 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: azurepoetry - Ex Member
Hot Topic (More than 10 Replies)
EH? BE Normal? Si!   ~ rustic sonnet ~ REVISED 01/03
[size=3]EH? BE Normal? Si !  
 
A thing cain't be repeated twice… until  
ya says it first a second time... but then  
who listens to my babblin' on...

 
[size=1]© MLee Dickens'son 04 April 2006
Original:
Title: Eh? Be Normal?
L12 ~ [i]so's all yer gl

Started Dec 27th, 2006 at 7:12pm by Just_Daniel (Ex Member)
11 19 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: Normpo
Normal Topic
This Is It
bells are ringing
for the wedding
thoughts are screaming
palms are sweating
getting ready
to say "I do"
wondering if this
is right for you
walking up
to ta...

Started Dec 27th, 2006 at 4:08am by jearu (Ex Member)
8 22 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: Brique - Ex Member
Normal Topic
Before That... (Revision of "But First..." from 12/19/06)
I'm wondering if something so simple as changing 'but first...' to 'before that...' makes a difference.
Before That...
They came for him on Tuesday  
and they brought him home from War....

Started Dec 23rd, 2006 at 8:14pm by writer (Ex Member)
6 60 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: writer - Ex Member
Hot Topic (More than 10 Replies)
Empty Lap (Revised)
Empty Lap (Revision II)
We had an understanding;
you wanted to stay,
I didn’t want you to go.
Nightly we shared these desires
through purrs and ear scratchings
while y...

Started Dec 15th, 2006 at 5:42am by D. Allen Jenkins (Ex Member)
« Pages 1 2 »
19 28 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: D. Allen Jenkins - Ex Member
Very Hot Topic (More than 25 Replies)
Laid to Rest (Revised II)
Revision II
I lost you in August --
my hand too small
to contain the wellspring
of an ocean
with its caress
of navel and bloom.
It was warm that day, sunny; 
I ...

Started Aug 15th, 2007 at 9:22pm by duetsdove (Ex Member)
« Pages 1 2 3 »
30 2 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: duetsdove - Ex Member
Normal Topic
Taste Yourself in This
Taste Yourself in This
If you dissolve my words into your heart,
like crystals they'd reflect some part of me.
The glinting sun would have us squint, apart.
With younger lack of in...

Started Feb 23rd, 2007 at 3:11am by Normpo
3 5 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: Normpo
Hot Topic (More than 10 Replies)
Life
Life, mortal life
is a tide
that touches fleetingly
the shores of Time. 
With force and vigor it arrives;
leaping, surging, bouncing,
frolicsome and noisy;
puts up a...

Started Feb 16th, 2007 at 4:28pm by sunilmathur (Ex Member)
11 2 Last Post Jan 1st, 1970 at 12:00am
By: sunilmathur - Ex Member
Pages Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 22
 
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