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Firebox (FB)
This is a CRITIQUE forum...Stoking and smoking poetry critiques. This is not a forum for the faint-hearted. It is strongly advised that you first post a poem in the On Track forum to get input prior to posting it here.Posting Rules: You may post 1 piece each day but you must post one thoughtful and substantial reply to at least one other writer here before posting your own poem.

(Moderator: Normpo)

Topics: 531
Posts: 4427

Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 22

Subject / Started By	Replies	Views	Last Post
Poison Apple ~Poison Apple~ Soot blackened fruit of economic glory, the rolling steel contraption of sacred convenience propelled from our graveyards of putrefied fuel. Flatulent streams of gas... Started Sep 4^th, 2008 at 2:46am by abba56	4	64	Sep 5^th, 2008 at 9:54pm By: Normpo
The Eve Of Restless Souls So, here we are facing another year The time of year, when leaves turn color, and spirits of the long dead, roam the Earth on one certain night We must face this eerie night of souls without... Started Oct 26^th, 2005 at 6:35pm by abbey74	3	27	Oct 28^th, 2005 at 1:58am By: Normpo
Nickel Mines Black-clad, bearded men and black-bonneted women in one-horse, rubber-tired, properly-licensed buggies pass by rich fields of higher-than-head corn stalks to the fenced, unadorned pastu... Started Oct 18^th, 2006 at 9:22pm by ace	8	70	Dec 2^nd, 2006 at 6:52am By: Tim
These frayed ... These frayed … young eyes widen, turn brighter as a remnant of their innocence halts in awe, watching convenience store clerks pay their penny tax. These small desolat... Started Mar 3^rd, 2009 at 4:29pm by acricket	4	28	Nov 24^th, 2010 at 11:06am By: peach
Deserted by Whole (Minimalist-Donne Conceit) Deserted by Whole Frayed Fur on fence hole, Limp leaf on sidewalk, Frail feather on asphalt, Mangled mind on steel floor, - Desert is no desert. A desert need not have sand. Is my human desert. (c) cricket Started Feb 10^th, 2009 at 10:19am by acricket	8	57	Jun 1^st, 2009 at 3:37am By: peach
(Edited II-) Quickly... (Edit II) Quickly... pleading answers for my whys, "No life for me?" Then I, just as quickly, ponder, "What provides, before I die, memory's peace?" What snapshots, save... Started Feb 28^th, 2009 at 10:38am by acricket « Pages 1 2 »	15	106	May 18^th, 2009 at 4:28am By: peach
First whitecaps crash ashore as waterfalls bounce home to sea, and i feel again, as if afloat inside the love in our first kiss. (c) cricket Started Mar 24^th, 2009 at 2:27pm by acricket	4	45	May 16^th, 2009 at 1:36am By: peach
Grasping for Peace (Edited version/orig is lost) We travel, grasping for Peace, searching resolution, reaching unseen absolution as if the sparkle in our marriage died. Counselors hold up numbers, bills for a paid solutio... Started Feb 11^th, 2009 at 11:33am by acricket	5	52	Feb 28^th, 2009 at 6:44pm By: duetsdove
Re: Redressing the Past Dear Azure (do you have a moniker as well ? ), First, been there, done that, so if this is auto-b, very well regenerated. if it is not, extremely well perceived ! As for crit, so hard when i... Started Mar 10^th, 2006 at 6:44pm by alanmdouglas « Pages 1 2 3 4 »	55	38	Apr 13^th, 2006 at 9:10am By: Tim
DECOMPOSING POETRY DECOMPOSING POETRY They broke down the door when the ripe smell became too much, and found him slumped over his writing table, as if still composing, decomposing. The gro... Started Jan 25^th, 2006 at 7:43am by alanmdouglas	4	32	Jan 31^st, 2006 at 4:37pm By: alanmdouglas
A Burning Tale revisiting one from my archives that I haven't touched in a couple of years now. I still worry that some might find it to be overly sibilant and overly alliterative... A Burning Tale The dragon s... Started Mar 6^th, 2007 at 5:34am by alien (Ex Member)	5	41	Jan 1^st, 1970 at 12:00am By: alien - Ex Member
Double-Dealing I’ve always had bare feet. an intensity of sound, the noise of grass beneath my skin. clenching toes, arching soles, can not separate me from the ground. dance here beneath, like a crazy fool.<br /... I brush my eyes with the back of my hand no ne... tumble down that big hill. roll side to side and front to back fall willy-nilly down that big hill don’t hesitate to laugh. I watch the sky for hint of day wishing that it could just be tomorrow I see the stars go out wary of the darkness I fall to silence. stand here gently, with bare feet. you solitary one. with arms akimbo, half undone, and watch the coming dawn. original: Double-Dealing I’ve always had bare feet. No shoes to fit and protect. Bare. Skin to stones. Skin to grass. Dance here beneath, Like a crazy loon, Dress whirling out. The dress with red flowers On a field of white, Twirling out. I brush my eyes, With the back of my hand, No need to cry, no need to cry. I feel the grass under foot, No need to cry, no need to cry. Tumble down that big hill. Roll side to side, And front to back. Fall willy-nilly Down that big hill. Don’t hesitate to laugh. Watching the sky For hint of day, I see the stars go out. Wary of the darkness, I fall to silence. Stand here gently, With bare feet. You solitary one. With arms akimbo, Half undone, And watch the coming dawn. Started Oct 27^th, 2005 at 4:43pm by Amaranth	8	62	Nov 4^th, 2005 at 2:54am By: Dean
Blowtorch Breath *Blowtorch Breath* A rather nasty hammerjack Assaults my little whispers, A servant-song belittlement, A thunderpunch that is hers For the using, this abusing All that’... Started Nov 10^th, 2007 at 9:03pm by Amrot	3	56	Nov 11^th, 2007 at 3:19pm By: duetsdove
Re: The Price of Free Advice for what it's worth, I like the title Quote: [center]“You’ve had it so easy; don’t know what it’s like. Someday you may find that misfortune will strike.” [b]I'd add 'you' before "do... [b]Heh. I started to go at with with the line-by-line nit-picking, but then opted not. Shawn, I think you're struggling a bit with your poetic voice. I'd suggest figuring out what it is you REALLY mean to say and just say it. Forget abo Started Oct 28^th, 2006 at 2:48pm by Amrot	2	66	Nov 10^th, 2007 at 3:51pm By: duetsdove
Conversations Conversations Fractured salutations (Your continuous barrage) Amiable relations (My white-... Started Nov 8^th, 2007 at 1:05am by Amrot (Ex Member)	3	0	Jan 1^st, 1970 at 12:00am By: Amrot - Ex Member
After After Knocked senseless by remembered Moments, goaded throats Swallow whole the entirety of Senseless solutions. There is room for only two bemused Futures in fate’s last... Started Nov 8^th, 2007 at 10:15pm by Amrot (Ex Member)	4	0	Jan 1^st, 1970 at 12:00am By: duetsdove - Ex Member
Ignorance Ignorance It is precious, sure, a proof That anxious hearts are often mute. It is righteously aloof. It is certain of itself As a feeling deeply felt, Y... Started Nov 10^th, 2007 at 2:25am by Amrot (Ex Member)	5	0	Jan 1^st, 1970 at 12:00am By: Don - Ex Member
Heavy, Handed Back *Heavy, Handed Back* If I choose to write and curse, Belabor choice and wear for worse, Or better, what it is I have, Then suffer I my aftermath? ... Started Nov 11^th, 2007 at 9:23pm by Amrot (Ex Member)	2	0	Jan 1^st, 1970 at 12:00am By: Don - Ex Member
Flying Manic I'm rather proud of this poem, but i would like to know if it is in any way justified. Pull no punches and tell me what you think... Flying through the stars So free. Creating whole ne... Started Dec 22^nd, 2005 at 1:42am by AngelicPhantom	7	2	Jan 29^th, 2008 at 4:55am By: Iggie
Leave Me to Drown I write a lot of free verse, and i would really appreciate feeback, both positive and negative on my scribblings. Technical comments are very welcome, as i have little to no technical expertise and i ... Started Dec 21^st, 2005 at 9:28am by AngelicPhantom	1	19	Jan 9^th, 2006 at 5:06pm By: Constance
Impious Angels a cacophonous carousel of drugged up pasty angels slows and they tumble off with their high-pitched giggles piercing the night sky and drag their friends to see the ... Started Feb 26^th, 2006 at 10:48pm by anthem	6	14	Apr 17^th, 2006 at 8:34pm By: veinglory
Kidinyir Kidinyir I clutch my infant to my chest, As sweat streaks down on my face. Her cries are stifled by my grasp. War is waged against my race. ... Started Feb 10^th, 2006 at 5:41pm by antman721	5	7	Feb 27^th, 2006 at 8:22pm By: Normpo
Just me Just me I try to be responsible I try to be kind I try to be trusting I try to be loving I want to do as I please I want to tell the truth I want to be one step ahea... Started May 16^th, 2008 at 8:06am by April Renee Trout	10	122	May 28^th, 2008 at 12:53pm By: duetsdove
In Memory of Steven: The Kiss of Endymion Hi Everyone, I am back and sorry for my long absence! I will respond to your generous and kind comments on my poem "Love Letters" soon. But here is another for you: I slid under the vine, ... Started Mar 17^th, 2006 at 4:29pm by artemesia	7	94	Apr 29^th, 2009 at 4:30am By: peach
The Long Ride From the window, telephone wires, squeeze, widen out, animated, radio blaring the "Black Eyed Peas." My daughter sleeps unaware that I am a glacier on wheels, bull-doz... Started Mar 25^th, 2006 at 3:58am by artemesia	3	49	Mar 27^th, 2006 at 9:01pm By: Cyn

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