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Normal Topic 2015 Round 1 day 6 (Read 168 times)
nas
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Re: 2015 Round 1 day 6
Reply #4 - Jul 7th, 2015 at 5:34am
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Thanks Norm.  Must be frustrating to have to cover up or sit in the shade when the sun is shining.
  
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Normpo
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Re: 2015 Round 1 day 6
Reply #3 - Jul 5th, 2015 at 12:18pm
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Enjoyed this -- "Sun warming aching bones" really describes a moment I used to love and haven't thought about it in such a long time.

Norm
  
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nas
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Re: 2015 Round 1 day 6
Reply #2 - Jun 14th, 2015 at 8:50am
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Thanks for finding it Tim.  I have a wonderful picture of a cormorant perched on a branch, didn't have time to post it here.
  
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Tim
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Re: 2015 Round 1 day 6
Reply #1 - Jun 13th, 2015 at 6:21pm
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nas,

Not sure how I missed this post. My bad.

the break on s1L2/3 creates a striking L2 onto itself: "when sunshine evaporates."
I really like the idea of sunshine so hot it burns itself up as a conceit, yet I couldn't
write that successfully. This does the next best thing--linebreak.

"the other side of the forest glade," yep, the other side. It's such a simple move, but I am already certain, as a reader, that I"m about to be let-in on something good. Promise delivered.

Namaste,
~Tim
  
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nas
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2015 Round 1 day 6
Jun 10th, 2015 at 6:28pm
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River View

On hot days
when sunshine evaporates
even wispy clouds,
she sits on her favourite riverside bench,
close to the rose garden
the other side of the forest glade.

Sun warming aching bones,
she watches ducks splash and dive.
A cormorant perched on a branch, 
stares into the distance, 
never seeming to move.,

Along the pathway
two black dogs chase birds,
squirrels creep close to her seat,
aware of the nuts in her pocket.

Her summer friends,
an escape from the barren silence
of living alone.
  
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