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sunilmathur
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Re: The Kitten
Reply #2 - Aug 30th, 2015 at 2:59am
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Thanks nas for your suggestions.
  
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nas
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Re: The Kitten
Reply #1 - Aug 29th, 2015 at 9:22am
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Cute.  Cats/kittens are a law unto themselves and know how to appeal to a human's caring side to get food and fuss, which you've conveyed well.   

I'm not sure rhyming the middle two lines works well especially in the first verse where you only have half rhymes.   I think you could also tighten the lines a little to improve the meter.

For example

Meow, meow calls the kitten
he's at the door looking at me
hungrily asking for some tea
which I fetch him from the kitchen.
  
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sunilmathur
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The Kitten
Aug 23rd, 2015 at 5:43am
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‘Meow,’ ‘Meow,’ calls the kitten.
There he is at the door, looking up at me
endearingly imploring for a meal
which I promptly fetch from the kitchen.

He runs to his favorite place on the lawn;
eats with relish, then looks up, asking for more
with an insistent ‘meow’, which I can’t ignore.
His feast and my enjoyment end before long.

This friendly kitten delights by his coming,
which heralds moments spent in play and fun.
Often, as I get back home, there's this little one;
his voice from the garden, sweet and welcoming.

Sometimes he brings along two of his friends:
another kitten, with whom he frolics at will,
and a fat cat who, perched on a window sill,
purrs and, with playful acts, amuses no end.
 


 

 

 
  
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