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Normal Topic Haiku Sequence (Read 52 times)
davidf
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Re: Haiku Sequence
Reply #3 - Apr 28th, 2013 at 9:58pm
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Thanks nas and Carly.
~Davidf
  
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WildCityWoman
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Re: Haiku Sequence
Reply #2 - Mar 25th, 2012 at 11:47am
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I believe a haiku is supposed to be 17 syllables - which you have.

Each line must stand on its own ...

1) a statement
2) a statement
3) conclusion

I don't think you're supposed to begin anything with 'and'.

I like the poem anyway, however.

I am guilty of breaking all the rules in haiku, cinquain, etal.

  
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nas
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Re: Haiku Sequence
Reply #1 - Mar 19th, 2012 at 6:49am
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Poor bear.  This has me thinking of Winnie the Pooh.  It doesn't however feel like a haiku or Senryu as it is lacking the break in thought.

Maybe show more to create a stronger picture.  An example would be something like:

the bear dips his paw
in the hive seeking honey
swarming bee sting him

ouch! that hurts a lot
he licks his sore arm
un"bear"able
  
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davidf
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Haiku Sequence
Mar 10th, 2012 at 12:56am
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the bear tries hard for
a taste of golden honey
instead, he gets stung

ouch! that must really
hurt a lot, many may think --
it's un"bear"able

~David Fox
  
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