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Normal Topic Senryu (Read 48 times)
davidf
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Re: Senryu
Reply #5 - Jun 16th, 2013 at 10:42am
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Nas and Daniel,
A much belated thank you for pointing me in the right direction...
~Davidf
  
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Just_Daniel
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Re: Senryu
Reply #4 - Dec 28th, 2012 at 8:38am
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davidf wrote on Oct 23rd, 2011 at 3:31pm:
caramel corn
wedged between
Grandpa's dentures


nas is right, David... on both scores, 'cause this is certainly a graphic image...

perhaps something like:

caramel corn wedged
between Grandpa's dentures;
painfully sweet


Lightly, Daniel  Cool
  
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davidf
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Re: Senryu
Reply #3 - Dec 3rd, 2012 at 4:31am
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Thanks for the help, Daniel.  Appreciate as always.
~Davidf
« Last Edit: Dec 3rd, 2012 at 4:32am by davidf »  
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Just_Daniel
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wedgies...
Reply #2 - Oct 24th, 2011 at 2:14pm
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davidf wrote on Oct 23rd, 2011 at 3:31pm:
caramel corn
wedged between
Grandpa's dentures


nas is right, David.  You really only have ONE snapshot of this momentous event.  You need to think back over that moment and see what else was going on that adds to the picture.  Of course I wasn't there, so I don't know, but it could be something like this.

fall festival --
Grampa's caramel corn
reminds his dentures

deLighting in your sharing this moment, Daniel  Cool
  
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nas
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Re: Senryu
Reply #1 - Oct 23rd, 2011 at 6:15pm
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I like the image, which made me smile but I don't think it's really a senryu because it's one thought without the cut and summing up of that thought.
  
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davidf
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Senryu
Oct 23rd, 2011 at 3:31pm
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caramel corn
wedged between
Grandpa's dentures

~Davidf
  
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