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PoemTrain › Writer's Depot › The Short Line (SL) › Senryu/ No Cleansing Winds

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Senryu/ No Cleansing Winds (Read 94 times)

Terry Topic Starter Gold Star Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 628 Location: OR Joined: Feb 14^th, 2007	Re: Senryu/ No Cleansing Winds Reply #5 - May 10^th, 2012 at 1:05am	Print Post
	bloodied windswept desert beneath a cloudless sky-- flesh and putrid sand


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davidf Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 1158 Joined: Oct 25^th, 2007	Re: Senryu/ No Cleansing Winds Reply #4 - Sep 3^rd, 2011 at 6:46pm	Print Post
	Terry, I liked the honest, in-depth feel of this one. ~Davidf


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Just_Daniel Supreme Member Offline Slow down; things will go faster. ~ djr Posts: 8989 Location: South West New Jersey Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	Re: Senryu/ No Cleansing Winds Reply #3 - Apr 26^th, 2011 at 5:07pm	Print Post
	I like the revision... so maybe more? windswept desert beneath a cloudless sky -- bloody, putrid sand


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Terry Topic Starter Gold Star Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 628 Location: OR Joined: Feb 14^th, 2007	Re: Senryu/ No Cleansing Winds Reply #2 - Mar 28^th, 2011 at 3:06pm	Print Post
	Nas, Thanks, revised per your input. below a windswept cloudless sky, is a desert; bloody putrid sand Terry


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nas Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 9444 Joined: Sep 11^th, 2006	Re: Senryu/ No Cleansing Winds Reply #1 - Mar 28^th, 2011 at 11:29am	Print Post
	Vivid image Terry though I stumbled a bit on the last line and in a way I wanted it to have something visual to scar the deserts rather than a sense of smell in the air.


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Terry Topic Starter Gold Star Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 628 Location: OR Joined: Feb 14^th, 2007	Senryu/ No Cleansing Winds Mar 28^th, 2011 at 12:27am	Print Post
	below, a windswept cloudless sky are deserts; thick with battles stench
	« Last Edit: Oct 8^th, 2011 at 12:08am by Terry »

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