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MARCH BASEBALL (Read 382 times)

Just_Daniel Supreme Member Offline Slow down; things will go faster. ~ djr Posts: 8988 Location: South West New Jersey Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	ideas of March... Reply #6 - Jul 11^th, 2009 at 3:50pm	Print Post
	Thanks, Matt... This one brought back lots (several lots, actually) of memories of various ways and places we played in our neck of the woods... and particularly the spring turnout when I was supposed to be giving my shin splints a rest for the HS track team... and instead ended up spiking myself in the ankle in center field, requiring a trip to the ER in my coach's red Corvette convertable with white leather interior (my foot outside the car!) to get stitches to close off the nicked artery! a Light hitter but wild on the bases, Daniel
	« Last Edit: Jul 11^th, 2009 at 3:51pm by Just_Daniel »

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Matt Topic Starter Full Member Offline Hi and hello Posts: 28 Location: New York Joined: Mar 16^th, 2009	Re: MARCH BASEBALL Reply #5 - Jul 11^th, 2009 at 1:25am	Print Post
	Thanks, Doug! Nice catch on that comma - I hadn't realized it was the lone one. It certainly wasn't necessary. It has been removed. Glad you liked the piece. Lynn - I like what you had to say about the anxiety of the players. The problem is it's about March baseball, which is a totally different animal - it's when kids are having their first practices and it's cold out and the sky turns indigo by 5pm and we shouldn't even be playing here in the northeast. No sun, certainly. And not much anxiety. But your comment got me thinking about whether or not there's a way for the particular circumstance to be made clearer for an audience. Matt


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Terri - theatrechica Full Member Offline Everyone is broken and doing their best. Love them Posts: 111 Location: Bay Shore, NY Joined: Mar 16^th, 2009	Re: MARCH BASEBALL Reply #4 - Jul 11^th, 2009 at 1:25am	Print Post
	A finished piece for sure. Thanks.


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peach Supreme Member Offline I Love Cafe Poetica! Posts: 1511 Joined: Apr 21^st, 2009	Re: MARCH BASEBALL Reply #3 - Jul 10^th, 2009 at 8:45am	Print Post
	Here, here, you take us...There..there..and then some!
	« Last Edit: Jul 10^th, 2009 at 8:46am by peach »

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LSwordsonfoot Full Member Offline I Love Cafe Poetica! Posts: 83 Joined: Jun 19^th, 2009	Re: MARCH BASEBALL Reply #2 - Jul 9^th, 2009 at 6:16pm	Print Post
	Hello Matt, I'm aware Firebox is for critiques but I'm not much of a commentary. I can say; this poem, the way it is written is absolutely on the ball! In reading it I felt like I was obligated to be there and cheering for those boys. Your description left nothing to the imaginary and I loved some of the word usage. (a white pea/alloy and horsehide-such a clear visual.) Just me thinking, you bring your reader into the ball game scintillating the spark yet I couldn't feel any emotional strain from the players to be victorious. Maybe a little excretive beads on the brow, the sun hindering the batters view. A little more anxiety would have made me jump up and scream! Mind you this is just my opinion. Enjoyed the read, I love baseball! ~Lynn/wordsonfoot


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D. Allen Jenkins Supreme Member Offline All I got was a rock Posts: 1118 Location: Columbus, Ohio Joined: Sep 18^th, 2003	Re: MARCH BASEBALL Reply #1 - Jul 9^th, 2009 at 5:23pm	Print Post
	Matt wrote on Jul 8^th, 2009 at 11:41pm: March Baseball Matt, Man I love a baseball poem! I cannot even bring myself to elicite my punctuation nag on this one (though why the single use in the last stanza? I'm not really counting the hyphen/emdash as such). I love the astronomical connection (are you in Huston?), and I love the "where truants perfect their daily attendance" line. Great read! Doug Our boys snap their wrists kick up dust and slide headlong beneath the purple awning of equinox They smack a white pea far and hard against the backdrop of brown convection domes and a basketball court where truants perfect their daily attendance Batters shift their weight ready for the off speed collecting momentum hungry for the clink - the pealing consonance of alloy and horsehide Geometrically hemmed this constellation of a ball field - our center fielder the hub of Cassiopeia’s W the boy stealing signs from second base the glinting notch in Orion’s belt the first base coach Ursa Minor’s sidelined handle In the slow, metric orbit of a March ball game everyone’s a star


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Matt Topic Starter Full Member Offline Hi and hello Posts: 28 Location: New York Joined: Mar 16^th, 2009	MARCH BASEBALL Jul 8^th, 2009 at 11:41pm	Print Post
	March Baseball Our boys snap their wrists kick up dust and slide headlong beneath the purple awning of equinox They smack a white pea far and hard against the backdrop of brown convection domes and a basketball court where truants perfect their daily attendance Batters shift their weight ready for the off speed collecting momentum hungry for the clink - the pealing consonance of alloy and horsehide Geometrically hemmed this constellation of a ball field - our center fielder the hub of Cassiopeia’s W the boy stealing signs from second base the glinting notch in Orion’s belt the first base coach Ursa Minor’s sidelined handle In the slow, metric orbit of a March ball game everyone’s a star


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