Hi Peach
I tried to comment last night but my brain was fried and I couldn't think at all.
Quote:I watch as you reach
to pull the flower's
center cupping it <--comma after center
in both hands
so you could
breathe it in <--I think you need a full stop here
the poor bloom, fades <--no comma needed
by comparison, in the glow
of your face <--maybe
The poor bloom fades
in comparison to the glow
on your face
its petal light blush,
no rival to the rosy softness,
I've settled beside
lingering and languid
in the texture, velvety
warm, flushed
as though
by the sun <--I get a bit lost in your words here, just too many to hold onto.
The sizzle snap
of the candle's wick
startles your lips into laughter <--maybe to instead of into
the giggle can't escape
the light of your eyes
the rich purple-blue gaze
more alive, as they <--not sure, but it seems like you are talking about the gaze, which is singular so should be it feasts
feast on the plump moist
bunch of grapes,
newly arrived, with the
wine,
You spring a surprise
taking hold of my wrist
taking the grape <--maybe change on of the "taking"
I am holding
you accept the whole
sweet thing, into your <--perhaps more poetic to say "you accept its sweetness between your teeth"
teeth, smiling, as you
pop it slowly back and <--pop seems a quick movement, rather than the slow you are trying to convey.
inside your mouth
Unsheathing the skin
and plump flesh, <--isn't the skin the sheath? Only the flesh could be unsheathed.
you, purse your lips
in the oval pucker of a kiss
and dispense,
the tiny seed
a useless thing <--don't think you need this line and the seed isn't useless
tipping it into the crease
between your thumb
and finger
Why so quiet, you ask <--I think you need speech marks or italics.
I find I am unable
to answer, busy
watching, you,
and how unknowingly
you are able to
strip a flower
of perfection,
rob a candle, of its heat,
and how, wordlessly
you take
my breath,
while I wait,
as you retrieve
yet another seed...
I liked this but it confuses me. What comes across is on the surface sensual but with cruel undertones, destroying something delicate.