peach wrote on May 7^th, 2009 at 9:42am:



Apart from the punctuation, I think the last stanza is weak. Plus, the "full moon" suggests a werewolf attack rather than just abuse. If that was your intention, where's the scratches, the bites? If not your intention, that stanza could do with something stronger, and no "full moon".

Terence

An urgent message shouts from her eyes,
violently violet, two shades darker than mine
the delicate swell of a once pale cheek, 
bruised to distortion,

Clothing and hair, out of place,
a difference, unlike her,
an indication of something
awry, something 
deeper and darker, 

Her face immersed 
with murky sadness, 
a grief, so pathetic
my arms raise to receive her,
our hold to eachother, 
all that keeps us upright,

Beneath my chin,
and her tension, like a slow curl
of a fist,
I feel a steely resilience, 
raising to the surface,
as she tugs from my grip,

Runny-nosed, smudged 
my sixteen year old, 
shoves her shoulders,
back, fixes me
with a one-eyed glance,
meant to be eventful

"Come on" she says, 
we have to go to the police, 
"there’s a full moon," 
and I know who he is…"