Ohhhh. . .now we're going somewhere!  I'll be back soon. . .this is definitely beginning to take shape.   

Ren

Thanks for reading and comments Norm.
Thanks for your suport Ren.
Lets just say you're both smarty pants
Cheers!

Oh... ok -- but I don't have to completely agree, do I?  ~smile~  Maybe I'd better -- she IS smarter than I am...really! 

Rene wrote:
*smile*  S2 does not end with in the block of flats. . .probably because he was working off of my original crit. 

Norm

I drink the first cup of tea for the day what kind of tea?
from my green cup,
Ave Maria plays on the radio... can we get a better sense of the "playing with some modification?
outside, workmen in yellow jackets,
are building new homes for the poor,
in the block of flats.

There's an ice cream truck down there, 
it's song can just be heard, how about an actual name for the song?
amongst the jackhammer, and
he workmen's songs and banter; I'd use "tone" instead of "song" in L8 to avoid the repetition
and an angry old dog barks an adjective to describe the bark?
at the moving wheels of cars.

I finish my tea, go outside, no comma needed here?
to where the strong sun stings my eyes,semi-colon
children in T-shirts and shorts
play marbles at the edge of the path,
and packs of drug dealers roam,
in the block of flats.

I let the holy light shine
on my weary body,
drink it's sacred nectar,
breath deep in to my belly breathe deep into my belly
and enter the world of the Sun-flower! 
in the block of flats.
Why doesn't S2 also end with "in the block of flats?"

I enjoyed this piece -- you can use or lose my suggestions -- as always,

Norm

Ok. Gonna have to take some time with this one and really try to get it together and make it work. Thnaks for all the help.

Firstly thanks to both Ren and Nas  for the helpful comments again.

I think I will try to clear some things up for you both.
The block is actually a number of blocks in one big area, there are four blocks in each section and about six of these sections, but we the people who live there call the section that we live in 'The Block' ( I know confusing).   What the poem is about is the day after a night out partying, feeling not only body tired but spirtualy tired. There is work been done the block is been knocked down and new ones are been build.
So the tea, the music and the sight of the kids and the dealers all combined to set off the mystical eye seeing suffering and joy together,
and feeling it too with the tea etc. Then the sun shine was big, warm,
over me, I lived on the top balcony at the time, so i got to thinking of Blake " when i look at the sun I see a band of angels" and then Ginsberg " we're not our skin of grime, we're not our dread bleak dusty imageless locomotive, we're all golden sunflowers inside"
and the real sense of that, so been healed, or energised by the light like a flower. And the block of flats is undergoing a sort of healing by been regenerated that is the actual term the council are using.  Definatly not going to buy heroin Now how do I put that in verse?

Ah, Sun-flower! weary of time,
Who countest the steps of the sun;
Seeking after that sweet golden clime,
Where the traveller's journey is done;
                                       William Blake.

Arise from their graves and aspire. . .which is, in part, what I derive from this work now. . .and yet. . .it seems too "easy". . .to stand amidst the children and drug dealers, the implied poverty of the block. . .and simply let the holy light radiated by the sun. . .heal a weary body. . .so passive. . .the sunflower also links itself to a sun god. . .which I'm certain is underlying in this. . .in China. . .it is representative of longevity. . .and the tea herein brings in eastern philosophy for me. . .but then. . .for you. . .in Dublin. . .it represents your life and heritage.

I drink the first cup of tea for the day
from my green cup,
Ave Maria plays on the radio...
outside, workmen in yellow jackets,
are building new homes for the poor,
in the block of flats.

There's an ice cream truck down there,
it's song can just be heard,
amongst the jackhammer, and
the workmen's songs and banter;
and an angry old dog barks
at the moving wheels of cars.

I might consider ammending the first stanza so that we see you are not in a ground level flat before you use down there in L1 here -- perhaps when you say outside you could use below me and outside or something to that effect. . .something that show us looking out a window and down.  As you use song for the workmen, perhaps it is the ice-cream truck's tune. . .or something similar. . .I don't know about Irish ice-cream trucks. . .but here the music sounds canned, tinny, more tuney than song-like.  *smile*

I finish my tea, go outside, 
to where the strong sun stings my eyes,
children in T-shirts and shorts
play marbles at the edge of the path,
and packs of drug dealers roam,
in the block of flats.

While we see the dichotomy of what appears normalcy within the neighborhood with the children in t-shirt and shorts. . .playing marbles. . .which does carry with it its own meanings. . .in each child trying to knock another out of the ring. . .it seems so placid. . .so lacking in problem. . .the fact that the block has packs of drug dealers. . .isn't there something more. . .than the seeming indifference to the plight of the neighborhood?

I let the holy light shine
on my weary body,
drink it's sacred nectar,
breath deep in to my belly
and enter the world of the Sun-flower! 
in the block of flats.

There almost seems to be a withdrawal. . .in this final stanza. . .a detachment from the manifest world. . .rather than a realization of living in this world. . .though not of it. . .

I do feel that the paring back of some sections and the elimination of the continual repetition of the block of flats line works. . .and is moving this work in the right direction. . .however. . .as I mentioned at the beginning -- it's too easy -- the acceptance, the entering the world of the sun-flower. . .for this one person while children exist in seeming poverty. . .and amidst drug dealers. . .

is there also a neighborhood transition that is being missed here. . .

I am intrigued by this and what underlies the inspiration.

Ren

Thanks Nas, I will chew over your comments and Rens and see what I come out with. Glad you had a good time in Dublin. Cheers!