Well Daniel, 
I am impressed. Very well done!

Robert

Thanks, Diane...

My 'surrogate son' Gary (whom I hope to get to post here too; he has scores of lyrics he's never exposed but to a few, and many of them are profound) moves in to our 2nd floor apartment on the first of May, he'll be bringing his several guitars, and I may end up taking mine up to his apartment so that we can do some work together.  He's truly a guitarist; I barely strum, just to have an accompanist in a pinch, and that with very limited chord ability. (Which is even worse now, since I've not played a thing in probably 5 years... or more!)  I'm a singer, not a guitarist; he's a guitarist, not a singer... but if you like to listen to Bob Dylan's voice, you'd love Gary.  Bob Dylan's music ~ yeah!  His singing, well, that's another story. LOL  But I DO love to listen to Gary sing, and I KNOW I'd love to hear Bob Dylan LIVE!

I need to create TWO MORE verses for this song, but since today is the deadline in Tournament of Rails, I thought I'd at least post SOMETHING... and I note that you don't have anything there.  

Go take a look, use three of the six lines (I think I used four of them) in your piece and POST IT.  You still have till midnight, I believe.  Have at it.  It will be a good stretch for you.

Next challenge, of course, is to join the circuit in Circadian Addiction and post SOMETHING every day, whether it's a poem, a stanza of a poem, or a piece of prose... or your thoughts from your journal for that day... It's the discipline of writing SOMETHING... and soon you'll see, from reading others' posts, it will stimulate your muse to write ripostes to others' posts or a spin-off from one of them.  It's very much a hot-bed for your muse.  I think you're ready!

deLighting in your sharing, Daniel  

P.S.  Once you start sharing in CA (where of course you're welcome to read and comment, even if you're not posting your own; some have started that way), you'll undoubtedly create some that you'll want to post in a crit forum to develop and polish... and of course you certainly don't have to keep doing it month after month, like a few of us addicts!

I have a partial tune runnin' around in my head, but I ain't got my guitar out and tuned it to start developin' those callouses ya need ta start strummin' without it hurtin' the dainty fingers on my left hand.  It's been too long!

But I added a verse... at least as a teaser for myself.

deLightin' to guit started, Daniel 

Thanks, Diane...

and of course you're right about "let's us" as grammatically incorrect... but colloquially, it fits the style I want... a kind of Country/Folk ballad.

I do hear where you sense the similarity to the thrust of the verse as similar to "Killing me Softly"  Most of the verse would fit with mild alteration until the final three lines.  Here's a Midi so you can see where it fits and doesn't.

Thank you so much for your active interest.

deLighting in sharing, Daniel 

Singin' at Last a New Song

Seasonal torments affect me
more than I've shared with my friends;
there's been a song inside longing to see
light... but it gropes and pretends
nothing is wrong, while some formless
scraps of whatever's been strewn
whisper in tones my own stillness can't guess
hushed in a troubled cocoon

[ Chorus ]
singin' at last a new song
strummin' on my ol' guitar
we've been a-restin' an' rustin' too long
let's us just be who we are.


Images, visions and feelings
stir up new words in my head
just out of reach 'til they pass through the ceiling
over my dream-spinning bed.
How'd I get weapons with Jerry?
What were those creatures we fought?
When did Phil Keagy arrive on the ferry?
It ain't his fingers I've sought.

[ Chorus ]
singin' at last a new song
strummin' on my ol' guitar
we've been a-restin' an' rustin' too long
let's us just be who we are.


Quote: