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Normal Topic The Girl in the Indigo Jeans (Read 117 times)
Melody Dancer
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Re: The Girl in the Indigo Jeans
Reply #6 - Aug 14th, 2008 at 5:51am
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I really like the flow of the first two stanzas...the rest is really great, I think it's me who can't seem to rap my mind around the longer lines, they do seem just a titch awkward...although I can see them in a song.... I too like the repetition, it's just enough without going overboard Smiley
  
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davidf
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Re: The Girl in the Indigo Jeans
Reply #5 - Jul 25th, 2008 at 10:50pm
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Dande,
Thanks.  I'm much more of a poet-writer than a lyricist, but through the encouragement from other friends at another site  who thought it could make a nice song, I posted it here.  I'm glad you liked it!
~Davidf
  
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dandelionsndaffodi
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Re: The Girl in the Indigo Jeans
Reply #4 - Jul 25th, 2008 at 7:53pm
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Mmmmm, sing it to us, davidf!!

I too love song lyrics.
Sometimes when I'm driving,
I probably get dangerous 'cause I'm listening
to the lyrics.  Wishing I could remember them all.

I just found this site.  Looks good.

Especially this one that YOUUU wrote!!  It's good!  Proceed.
  
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davidf
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Re: The Girl in the Indigo Jeans
Reply #3 - Jun 28th, 2008 at 5:38pm
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Ren and Nas,
I know what you mean.  That line is a little wordy, isn't it?  Unfortunately, I never thought of this as a song until some people told me it could make a good one on another site but didn't comment further.  I'm thinking like a folksy type of tune, although I don't play an instrument or know music very well, so...  Anyway, thanks for commenting.
~Davidf
  
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nas
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Re: The Girl in the Indigo Jeans
Reply #2 - Jun 28th, 2008 at 5:23pm
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I never quite know where to start commenting on lyrics because they always seems so flat without the music to bring them to life.

I agree with Ren though about that line.  Perhaps:  "even though now he's older"
  
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Re: The Girl in the Indigo Jeans
Reply #1 - Jun 28th, 2008 at 11:36am
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There always seems to be one. . .that never goes away, no matter where life takes us, the person lives within us.

I really like the title/repeating lines.  Though the personality of the girl is not mentioned in the song, the girl in the indigo jeans gives us an insight into what she may be like. . .

do you have the tune in your head?  I ask because the line

Even though that he's older. . .

seems a little awkward. . .was wondering if you were fitting words to music.

Ren
  
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davidf
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The Girl in the Indigo Jeans
Jun 27th, 2008 at 10:17pm
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She was the love of his life
The star of his dreams
The girl in the indigo jeans

He imagined being with her
In many ways, many scenes
The girl in the indigo jeans

Standing by the boardwalk along the beach
But this girl he wanted was too far out of reach

He saw her for the first time and hoped maybe perchance
She would say yes if he asked her to dance

But she was out of his league
Though he tried, he couldn't get her by any means
The girl in the indigo jeans

Even though that he's older and she's moved away
In his heart she will forever stay.
  
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