(UTC)
 Change Template: 
Choose Language:
  PoemTrain › Writer's Depot › The Short Line (SL) › Seasonal
(Moderator: Normpo)
‹ Previous Topic | Next Topic ›
Page Index Toggle Pages: 1 Send TopicPrint
Normal Topic Seasonal (Read 71 times)
nas
Topic Starter Topic Starter
Supreme Member
*****
Offline


I love YaBB 1G - SP1!

Posts: 9444
Joined: Sep 11th, 2006
Re: Seasonal
Reply #6 - May 23rd, 2015 at 6:57pm
Print Post  
Smiley   Thanks Norm.
  
Back to top
 
IP Logged
 
Normpo
Forum Administrator
*****
Offline



Posts: 10830
Joined: Aug 2nd, 2003
Re: Seasonal
Reply #5 - May 22nd, 2015 at 7:20pm
Print Post  
I beleaf that first stanza works either way ... not matter where the leaf falls in the line (imo)  ~smile~
« Last Edit: May 22nd, 2015 at 7:22pm by Normpo »  
Back to top
 
IP Logged
 
nas
Topic Starter Topic Starter
Supreme Member
*****
Offline


I love YaBB 1G - SP1!

Posts: 9444
Joined: Sep 11th, 2006
Re: Seasonal
Reply #4 - Apr 13th, 2015 at 5:38am
Print Post  
Hi Terry

I understand what you are trying to say, though when I penned this initially, I didn't have a haiku in mind but maybe I should think about turning it into one.
  
Back to top
 
IP Logged
 
Terry
Gold Star Member
*****
Offline


I love YaBB 1G - SP1!

Posts: 628
Location: OR
Joined: Feb 14th, 2007
Re: Seasonal
Reply #3 - Apr 10th, 2015 at 2:19am
Print Post  
Nas,

In the interval 
between sun and showers
a single leaf falls.

Is more like a statement rather than a time in which a specific event
occurs... which, would I think, give it the "aha" picture or moment, if that makes any sense to you.  Or as you penned it just adding
a semicolon after showers or colon to give it separation.    

or something more like below.  I wish Daniel were here to better explain what I'm trying to say.  No offense intended here.  I really
think it's quite beautiful.

        
Perhaps... In the interval 
               between sun and showers;
               falls a single leaf.


« Last Edit: Apr 10th, 2015 at 2:23am by Terry »  
Back to top
 
IP Logged
 
nas
Topic Starter Topic Starter
Supreme Member
*****
Offline


I love YaBB 1G - SP1!

Posts: 9444
Joined: Sep 11th, 2006
Re: Seasonal
Reply #2 - Apr 8th, 2015 at 7:51pm
Print Post  
Thanks very much David.
  
Back to top
 
IP Logged
 
davidf
Supreme Member
*****
Offline


I love YaBB 1G - SP1!

Posts: 1158
Joined: Oct 25th, 2007
Seasonal
Reply #1 - Apr 7th, 2015 at 1:04pm
Print Post  
nas,
A great haiku sequence!
~Davidf
« Last Edit: Apr 7th, 2015 at 8:57pm by davidf »  
Back to top
 
IP Logged
 
nas
Topic Starter Topic Starter
Supreme Member
*****
Offline


I love YaBB 1G - SP1!

Posts: 9444
Joined: Sep 11th, 2006
Seasonal
Apr 6th, 2015 at 6:54pm
Print Post  
In the interval
between sun and showers
a single leaf falls.

Independent hues
from indigo to brown
herald summer's end.
  
Back to top
 
IP Logged
 
Page Index Toggle Pages: 1
Send TopicPrint
‹ Previous Topic | Next Topic ›
 
  « Board Index ‹ Board Top  

PoemTrain » Powered by YaBB 2.6.12!
YaBB Forum Software © 2000-2024. All Rights Reserved.

Valid RSS Valid XHTML Valid CSS Powered by Perl Source Forge