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Tunnel Living (Read 394 times)

nas Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 9444 Joined: Sep 11^th, 2006	Re: Tunnel Living Reply #9 - Oct 30^th, 2011 at 6:21am	Print Post
	Thanks Daniel. I hear you. Time to retire, me thinks.


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Just_Daniel Supreme Member Offline Slow down; things will go faster. ~ djr Posts: 8988 Location: South West New Jersey Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	a ton o' living... Reply #8 - Oct 24^th, 2011 at 4:33pm	Print Post
	nas wrote on Sep 22^nd, 2010 at 6:54am: I’m tired of running through narrow tunnels, banging my head on concrete walls. SO AM I! My feet keep tripping over piles of papers, screwed-up emails, endless forms. ALL OF THIS AND MORE!! I’m tired of chasing round this blackened city doing their bidding for short-term high. I DON'T EVEN GET THE HIGH ANY MORE, 'cause it has to be documented! The needle’s sharp yet they keep on pushing knowing we crave that rush of gold. ... AND TAKE AN INCREASINGLY LARGER CUT Let me escape this rat-run prison find the sunshine unbound by control. BELIEVE ME, I'M LOOKING TO LEAP! as Lightly as I can, Daniel
	« Last Edit: Oct 24^th, 2011 at 4:34pm by Just_Daniel »

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nas Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 9444 Joined: Sep 11^th, 2006	Re: Tunnel Living Reply #7 - Oct 23^rd, 2011 at 2:53pm	Print Post
	Thanks for the suggestions Peach, though it loses some of that frenetic feeling I was trying to convey.


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peach Supreme Member Offline I Love Cafe Poetica! Posts: 1511 Joined: Apr 21^st, 2009	Re: Tunnel Living Reply #6 - Oct 23^rd, 2011 at 6:59am	Print Post
	Another one of yours I really like... Revisited to set up a bit for a more universal connect! Tired of searching through tunnels, so narrow my head bangs on concrete walls, my feet tripping over piles of waste, mistakes, and endless, apologies. Tired of chasing round this blackened city doing everyone elses bidding for a short-term high in a rat-race, lost before it is run The needle’s sharp point that they keep pushing knowing we need that rush of gold. God how I wish I could escape out of this hole, find myself in the sun, unbound by anyone,
	« Last Edit: Oct 23^rd, 2011 at 7:02am by peach »

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nas Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 9444 Joined: Sep 11^th, 2006	Re: Tunnel Living Reply #5 - Oct 29^th, 2010 at 8:55pm	Print Post
	thanks Peach. Blame the paper and endless emails on a bad and stressful day at work.


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peach Supreme Member Offline I Love Cafe Poetica! Posts: 1511 Joined: Apr 21^st, 2009	Re: Tunnel Living Reply #4 - Oct 29^th, 2010 at 2:01am	Print Post
	I get the drift but the too exact use of concrete, paper, e-mail take AWAY from making this a more powerful evocative piece. I would rework it and make it more universal by feeling rather than solidly placed props, to establih what is a very real story...for so many!


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nas Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 9444 Joined: Sep 11^th, 2006	Re: Tunnel Living Reply #3 - Sep 23^rd, 2010 at 5:45am	Print Post
	Thanks Terry and Terence. Terence - "they" are both the bosses and the beaurocrats. When you work in local government like I do, there is sometimes no difference and in my job, doing anything involves endless form filling, evidence gathering. So frustrating at times.


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Terence Gold Star Member Offline in an English country garden ... Posts: 900 Joined: Mar 15^th, 2006	Re: Tunnel Living Reply #2 - Sep 22^nd, 2010 at 6:33pm	Print Post
	Hi nas, My main comment is that I'm not exactly sure who 'they' are - bosses, bureaucrats maybe? The difficulty is putting the other activities into perspective. 'endless forms' is more associated with the latter while 'chasing round' is possibly a job function and 'rush of gold' a paycheck, presumably. Anyway, I like that the emotions are expressed inherently rather than being told to us. Terence


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Terry Gold Star Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 628 Location: OR Joined: Feb 14^th, 2007	Re: Tunnel Living Reply #1 - Sep 22^nd, 2010 at 5:07pm	Print Post
	Nas, Quite a vivid picture here. I can all but feel the euphoric rush, and the resulting despair. The sad thing, if it were not for the "us" there would be no need for the "they's". Nicely done. Terry


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nas Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 9444 Joined: Sep 11^th, 2006	Tunnel Living Sep 22^nd, 2010 at 6:54am	Print Post
	I’m tired of running through narrow tunnels, banging my head on concrete walls. My feet keep tripping over piles of papers, screwed-up emails, endless forms. I’m tired of chasing round this blackened city doing their bidding for short-term high. The needle’s sharp yet they keep on pushing knowing we crave that rush of gold. Let me escape this rat-run prison find the sunshine unbound by control.


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