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peach
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Re: ***The Point of It
Reply #4 - Nov 19th, 2011 at 9:41pm
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Reworked and reposted
  
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nas
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Re: What's the point?      epitome retitled
Reply #3 - Dec 15th, 2009 at 9:27pm
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Your revision seems to be a completely different poem with a different message.
  
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Lucy
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Re: epitome
Reply #2 - Dec 12th, 2009 at 8:18pm
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Hello Peach,  These poems are such fun to write.  I've done a few, some successful,  some not.  Its difficult to make the syllables come out right.
My biggest nit is simply the rhyme at the end.  Also not sure about the title.  Keep working on it!   Lucy
  
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Re: epitome
Reply #1 - Dec 10th, 2009 at 6:20am
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Awww, very romantic.  Not sure the shape enhances the words and ditto the rhyming in the last two lines (emphasises the trite)
  
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peach
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***    The Point of It
Dec 9th, 2009 at 6:39am
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A

few of

we lucky,

ask for little,

others want far more,

the question we must ask,

What are we searching for?

the answer will come hard and fast

as we approach a length of road

whether to take up the lead or follow




As

for me

little else

than your sweet gaze

gazing back at me,

our love so genuine

we are bound eternally,

you know that you would be my choice,

if I were given another try

you answer any prayer, I might recite
« Last Edit: Nov 20th, 2011 at 6:50pm by peach »  
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