Thank you so much for your visit, Snow...

and forgive me for my lateness in returning.  I've kind of spent this month in hiding, poetry-wise, so perhaps I'm just no reemerging?

I understand your preference for punctuation, but my present experimentation with FV is taking that liberty inherent in the notion of free verse to run around naked of the little stuff... at least for now, till I find my voice in this broader canvas.

I also understand your wanting the statement rather than the question, but in this case, the lingering question is really part of the point of the piece... the wondering if any mark will be left in the place where he had dwelt.

deLighting in your reading, Daniel 

Thank you for your careful look, dgod!

Originally this was a challenge to write a poem using 10 words from a poem by Pablo Neruda, and I used to it work again on my experimenting in free verse to write in one breath about the departure of autumn and my own departure in the approach of the winter of my life [whether or not that becomes a reality].

You ask some good questions, and I've tried to address them in a revision in which I leave behind a couple of the challenge words to let this stand on its own.

I'm not sure of your suggestion of "to honor" since what I propose is just short of that.   

And I think I need your explanation of how I have 'buried the lead' since this is such a short piece... and methinks that putting the end at the beginning might have been seen as cliche by some, boring to others.  I tried to keep the 'point' of this until the end...

the wonder if all the flash and burning had left any lasting mark.

still sLightly worn, crawling through the poetic thistles, Daniel 

^{Revision 1:}

goodbye autumn

worn banners droop...
bent flowers cannot lift
their petals in honor
nor spill out impalpable aromas

when autumn fades
and light is extinguished
will my roots wither
and all forget?

_{© MLee Dickens'son 18 Aug 2009}



Just_Daniel wrote on Aug 18^th, 2009 at 7:39am: