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Don
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Re: Shadows Know
Reply #7 - Jun 4th, 2006 at 10:50pm
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Collectively, I wish to thank Alan, Kornymofo, Norm, Tim and lorac for dropping by and adding a boost or a nudge.   

It is on the list to rework.

Don
  
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lorac
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Re: Shadows Know
Reply #6 - Jun 4th, 2006 at 10:06pm
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I like this poem. A few others have offered suggestions for improvements. I wrote a poem called The Shadow which was published sometime back. So it's interesting to read other poems that are just as good if not better.

lorac
  
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Don
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Re: Shadows Know
Reply #5 - May 28th, 2006 at 7:24pm
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Thanks Tim

for your continued interest.  I sincerely hope you don't go too deep as I already have reworked and am continuing to ponder improvement.

I most certainly am looking forward to your current input, which will be added to my consideration list.

Have a great day.

Don
  
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Tim
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Re: Shadows Know
Reply #4 - May 27th, 2006 at 6:02pm
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Hello Don,

i haven't forgotten about this piece. i am struggling with some of the elements. i will post my confusion later on tonight after work. Hope all is well for you sir.

~tim
  
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Normpo
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Re: Shadows Know
Reply #3 - May 11th, 2006 at 12:59am
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Shadows Know 
 
Under foot our shadow lies from shoe 
to head where secret data store resides. 
As waves on placid pond ripple on cue awk meter here??
let’s ponder what our silent shadow shows. 
 
Does it know about the sunshine law 
to veil a dark concern in stoic shade? 
Does it hold its ground in spite of flaw 
of how averse we play a poker hand?   
 
How often things differ from what they seem, too many syllables/beats -- "things differ" throws it off, I think
like starlight sparkle caused by earthen air, 
and gleam in gold is panned from stream of dream, 
or bunny losing race to tortoise shell. 
 
Its wiggle squiggle fun for us to watch, squiggles --- or "wiggles swuiggle"
but shadow surge to shrink a sound delusion 
for shadow shape remains a constant swatch 
of us who mutate form to match conclusion. 

This was a fine read and I like the metered form you chose to express this.

Norm
  
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Kornymofo
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Re: Shadows Know
Reply #2 - Apr 27th, 2006 at 12:42am
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I agree with alan this is a very interesting point of veiw. I have a minor suggestion

FOr the line " to head where secret data store resides."
It should be stored or maybe "where OUR secret data store resides"

That was about the only line I really saw anything I didn't understand. The rest was well thought out and flowed smooth and effectively.
  
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alanmdouglas
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Re: Shadows Know
Reply #1 - Apr 25th, 2006 at 10:56pm
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Dear Don,

Interesting point of view.

You title reminds me of an old Coasters song - the Shadow Knows ! (which is followed by a maniacle laugh)

Love
Alan
« Last Edit: May 11th, 2006 at 8:03am by alanmdouglas »  
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Don
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Shadows Know
Apr 25th, 2006 at 9:45pm
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Shadows Know

Under foot our shadow lies from shoe
to head where secret data store resides.
As waves on placid pond ripple on cue
let’s ponder what our silent shadow shows.

Does it know about the sunshine law
to veil a dark concern in stoic shade?
Does it hold its ground in spite of flaw
of how averse we play a poker hand? 

How often things differ from what they seem,
like starlight sparkle caused by earthen air,
and gleam in gold is panned from stream of dream,
or bunny losing race to tortoise shell.

Its wiggle squiggle fun for us to watch,
but shadow surge to shrink a sound delusion
for shadow shape remains a constant swatch
of us who mutate form to match conclusion.

© 2006, D.E. Holmes
25 April


  
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