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A way through ~Shakespearian Sonnet~ (Read 136 times)

Normpo Forum Administrator Offline Posts: 10830 Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	Re: A way through ~Shakespearian Sonnet~ Reply #6 - Dec 1^st, 2017 at 9:54am	Print Post
	Bumping this up for Eric


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dericlee Topic Starter Gold Star Member Offline "Shiny! Let's be bad guys." Posts: 757 Location: Arizona Mountains Joined: Mar 19^th, 2004	Re: A way through ~Shakespearian Sonnet~ Reply #5 - Mar 19^th, 2006 at 11:56pm	Print Post
	Quote: ok, with "toll of" but I still have a problem with the "as" in "as seem to shun the days". Sorry to be persistant, nit-picky, uninformed or whatever. LOL...ask Norm.


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Terence Gold Star Member Offline in an English country garden ... Posts: 900 Joined: Mar 15^th, 2006	Re: A way through ~Shakespearian Sonnet~ Reply #4 - Mar 19^th, 2006 at 9:49pm	Print Post
	ok, with "toll of" but I still have a problem with the "as" in "as seem to shun the days". Sorry to be persistant, nit-picky, uninformed or whatever.


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Tim Supreme Member Offline Posts: 4134 Location: near dusk with a halo of gnats Joined: Nov 3^rd, 2005	Re: A way through ~Shakespearian Sonnet~ Reply #3 - Mar 19^th, 2006 at 9:09pm	Print Post
	Quote: Where the period went, I have no idea...Yvonne probably took it. Thanks. HAHAHAHAHA!


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dericlee Topic Starter Gold Star Member Offline "Shiny! Let's be bad guys." Posts: 757 Location: Arizona Mountains Joined: Mar 19^th, 2004	Re: A way through ~Shakespearian Sonnet~ Reply #2 - Mar 19^th, 2006 at 8:29pm	Print Post
	Quote: I am extremely impressed by this poem's concept and execution. There doesn't appear to be any problem with the meter though I do question a couple of words. L6 "toll of" I thought was normally "toll on" L10 "seem" - a verb - I thought perhaps should be "seeming" or "seen". And a period at the end of the line. This is a poem of quality to aim for. Terence Thanks for the kind words. For your questions... You may exact a toll on...you take a toll of. For Line ten, drop the adverbial phrase to uncomplicate things and you get a much more straightforward view of the sentence: they "seem to shun the days". (I think Norm would back me up on those.) Where the period went, I have no idea...Yvonne probably took it. Thanks. (Fortunately, I keep my periods numbered for just such an emergency.)
	« Last Edit: Mar 19^th, 2006 at 8:32pm by dericlee »

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Terence Gold Star Member Offline in an English country garden ... Posts: 900 Joined: Mar 15^th, 2006	Re: A way through ~Shakespearian Sonnet~ Reply #1 - Mar 19^th, 2006 at 8:11pm	Print Post
	I am extremely impressed by this poem's concept and execution. There doesn't appear to be any problem with the meter though I do question a couple of words. L6 "toll of" I thought was normally "toll on" L10 "seem" - a verb - I thought perhaps should be "seeming" or "seen". And a period at the end of the line. This is a poem of quality to aim for. Terence


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dericlee Topic Starter Gold Star Member Offline "Shiny! Let's be bad guys." Posts: 757 Location: Arizona Mountains Joined: Mar 19^th, 2004	A way through ~Shakespearian Sonnet~ Mar 19^th, 2006 at 5:41pm	Print Post
	A way through… The tide breaks, with its changeless ebb and surge upon the ever-shifting sands. My feet stray softly through this contrast, on the verge where timeworn and the purely timeless meet. What, then, is time? It passes, yes, and takes its toll of every spindrift mote its touch deflects on velvet breath. Its passage shakes foundations laid with care. Yet, here is such a pair, upon my right side, and my left as seem, each in it’s way, to shun the days. These sands, of any permanence bereft, might mock the sea’s own constant-seeming ways. If I could, from each side, learn just a part, time's ravages will never touch my heart! © MMII by eric lee
	« Last Edit: Mar 19^th, 2006 at 8:30pm by dericlee »

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