Thanks terrence and Tim --- I never realized those nits before your posts -- they are valid. Thanks --- Re-writes are GOOD ~smile~.

Eric -- and all:
He is one fine man, Dr. George. He influenced me back when I was 15 years old to the point I began to write, read and love to teach. He deserves at least this measure of immortality.

That is WHY, Eric, when you began "mentoring" my sonnets more than 3-4 years ago, you, too, were a strong influence in bringing me back to the strict forms that, although I never abandoned, was only "playing with them" --- and in BAD form, at that. You never know how much you are impacting on another's life, so it's important to let them know and "give them the flowers NOW" -- I know I've said it to you before... but it warrants repeating every now and then

THANKS (again),

Norm

Norm

You’re right, Eric, I’ll try

In Dr. George’s poem I was put off by L3 and L4 until I realised ‘Wild wind and time’ was omitted. Even then, I have no idea what the punctuation should be in that case. I also thought the repetition of ‘will’ after that point was a bit overdone although it does make a statement of the absolute.
There were a couple of bumps in ‘Time Won’t Erase’. I felt that the emphasis on ‘will’ in L5 made it a stressed syllable, thus disrupting the meter. Strictly, ‘poem’ in L6 is two syllables, which upsets the meter. ‘sever’ in L13, and ‘forever’ in L14 give an extra syllable unless the ‘soft’ syllables are not counted.

Even with the inversions I did not find either poem to read like ‘natural speech’, in part because of the punctuation.

That’s my two bits.

         Terence

Two exceptional poems and I particularly like the sentiments expressed in your tribute, Norm. It immediately brought Sonnet 18 to mind.

         Terence

A wonderful rewrite and tribute to someone who had such an influence on you.  I especially like the way you've challenged his words, turning them into a part of the tribute.  I like your second choice for the last line BTW.   

Cathy

Note:  please read explanation beneath these two poems --- thanks. I don't know if any you have read these before -- I posted them in January, 2004.

Time Will Erase *
  © Dr. Richard A. George (1957)

Wild wind and time will powder into dust
The rugged granite and the falling bough,
Will tarnish words as bright steel turns to rust
Will dry the well that holds its crystal now.
Wind will erase and time will bear no trace
For earth will blow and hide away the name
Will fashion change across the sleeper's face
Thus rock and leaf and heart will look the same.
How can we move so infinite as time
How can we sing the wind's undying song,
No woven pattern in a measure rhyme
Can outlast these though beauty make them strong.
O scatter wind and time leave nothing whole,
Still must we write to satisfy the soul.


Time Won't Erase
   © Norman S. Pollack  (2004)

Wild wind and time will form a mountain strong;
On strengthened granite shall your words be saved
The metered verse that stayed with me this long
Shall crystallize and through this be engraved.
Wind won't erase and time will bear the trace
For on this earth a poem outlives a name,
And though it seems life's journeys go apace,
More than a bust on Rushmore is our fame.
How can we then be finite since we rhyme
Through verse, outlast the elements so strong
That woven lives will never measure time
As each to each ... a song gives birth to song; 
O scatter wind and time for they can't sever
Poetic souls entwined like this forever. ***

*** what about: Poetic souls inscripted now forever

* Re-printed with permission of Dr. Richard A. George

===============================================
Brief explanation; 
The first poem, "Time Will Erase" was written by my high school English teacher in 1957 (I was a sophomore, would you believe). It was THAT poem that he read it in class from his book, "Undertow", that got me interested in writing poetry and teaching. He was such a positive influence on my life!

Well, lwe were re-united a few years ago in 2004. He is 87 years YOUNG today and is still witty, sharp and recites his poetry from memory. He is very well published in England and was recognized with a special writing award (I'll have to get the name of it) by the Queen. He has never used a computer and you cannot find his poetry anywhere on the Internet. I do still have his book, "Undertow".

So after more thanm 45 years, I FINALLY wrote a response-poem/sonnet in tribute to the man and poem that started it all for me. It cannot match his, but it was from the heart. True to form (Norm's), I contradicted him a bit by challenging his titled comment, "Time Will Erase". I read his and then mine together that night inn the restaurant ---it was a beautifully shared emotional moment.

As you read both of these, remember the line, "GIVE THEM THE FLOWERS NOW". I was fortunate enough to have this opportunity (and more to follow) in my lifetime. Re-connect with those from your past that have meant something to you ---- I'm glad I did!