PoemTrain - Fishing with the Family

Change Template:

Choose Language:

PoemTrain › Writer's Depot › On Track (OT) › Fishing with the Family

(Moderators: Prose, Normpo)

‹ Previous Topic | Next Topic ›

Page Index Toggle

Pages: 1

Normal Topic

Fishing with the Family (Read 269 times)

davidf Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 1158 Joined: Oct 25^th, 2007	Re: Fishing with the Family Reply #6 - Jun 30^th, 2014 at 10:56am	Print Post
	Norm, Even better! Thanks for all your help again. ~Davidf


	IP Logged

Normpo Forum Administrator Offline Posts: 10839 Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	Re: Fishing with the Family Reply #5 - Sep 6^th, 2013 at 12:30pm	Print Post
	David, I have (for years) commented that simple rhyme/metered poems can be so meaningful. This IS such an instance. Also loved the opening alliteration of the first there words of the poem. I have made simple edit suggestions here to the nas edit: Fishing for fluke and trout sure was fun, A great time had, that caused such a pun. trying to untangle everyone’s line. sort of like figuring plants from which vine. Wonderful time spent, what could be bad? deleted the "A" enjoying family, especially Dad.
	« Last Edit: Sep 6^th, 2013 at 12:31pm by Normpo »

	IP Logged

davidf Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 1158 Joined: Oct 25^th, 2007	Re: Fishing with the Family Reply #4 - Jul 13^th, 2013 at 10:58am	Print Post
	Nas, That works!! Thanks for all your help. ~Davidf


	IP Logged

nas Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 9444 Joined: Sep 11^th, 2006	Re: Fishing with the Family Reply #3 - Jul 13^th, 2013 at 4:28am	Print Post
	How about... Fishing for fluke and trout sure was fun, A great time had, that caused such a pun. trying to untangle everyone’s line. sort of like figuring plants from a vine. A wonderful time spent, what could be bad? time with family, especially Dad.


	IP Logged

davidf Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 1158 Joined: Oct 25^th, 2007	Re: Fishing with the Family Reply #2 - Jul 12^th, 2013 at 1:18pm	Print Post
	nas, I fooled around with the meter to make it equal syllables at least. How's this? Fishing for trout and fluke sure was fun, Great time was had, caused quite a pun, Tangled amongst all, trying who belonged to which line It was sort of like figuring plants from vine A wonderful time spent, what could be bad? Spending time with family 'specially my Dad. ~Davidf P.S. After that fishing experience, I have never fished again!! It was a once in a lifetime experience, but we'll always have the memories.
	« Last Edit: Jul 12^th, 2013 at 1:19pm by davidf »

	IP Logged

nas Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 9444 Joined: Sep 11^th, 2006	Re: Fishing with the Family Reply #1 - Jul 12^th, 2013 at 11:52am	Print Post
	Sounds like a fun time was had, especially spending it with the family. Personally, I've never seen the attraction of fishing. I'd rather read a book but that's me. I think it would scan better if all the lines had the same meter length. Some have more syllables than others.


	IP Logged

davidf Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 1158 Joined: Oct 25^th, 2007	Fishing with the Family Jul 11^th, 2013 at 1:26pm	Print Post
	Fishing for fluke and trout sure was fun, A great time was had, that caused such a pun. Tangled amongst all, trying who belonged to which line. It was sort of like figuring plants from a vine. A wonderful time spent, what could be bad? Spending time with my family, especially my Dad. ~Davidf .


	IP Logged

Page Index Toggle

Pages: 1

‹ Previous Topic | Next Topic ›

« Board Index ‹ Board Top

Top

PoemTrain » Powered by YaBB 2.6.12!
YaBB Forum Software © 2000-2026. All Rights Reserved.

Valid XHTML

Valid CSS

Powered by Perl

Source Forge