Richard,
This is very nice...I can see this climbing to the top of the Country music charts!
~Davidf

Rene - Thank you very much for your comment, glad you enjoyed it.  One of these days I'll get it together to record it and throw it online.  Cheers, Happy Holidays, Richard

thank you --and welcome ANY input whatsoever; you may have even clothespin to nose comments!

as I am definitely not a songwriter and have no training beyond highshool lit; i do not profess to know anything more than anyone beyond my own taste and impressions of how things sound to me --or reach me-- please re read to see the totality of my comments and thx for the very interesting piece and the chance to learn a bit more of billy...
i shall also look for any futher work or remarks that are up for attention

my outline expanded just a bit and is far from complete but i enjoyed it...

peach - One question. If you thought it was "VERY GOOD" why did you attempt to change most of it?  With all due respect, there is a difference between written poetry and a song that is for performance. In a song you can sustain a word or a phrase more easily and effectively than in a poem.
                                 D                       C      G
F'rinstance - ""...a long time, (pause) long time ago..."   -  So, when this is sung, the pause is important, and so are the notes which give the line certain accents or stresses.

When you changed a lot of the lines the rhyme scheme went with it.  There is not a complicated rhyme to this song, the fifth line and the last line rhyme, which works for performance, but it has to be there in all the stanzas .

"All's" is vernacular that someone like Billy would use, along with the elision making it easier to sing.

"The  (freedom) that I had was nothin'
compared to the (look) on the face
of that wild black haired(woman)..."      freedom is not being compared to the night but to the look.

("After) it all got started..."
(after) I shot that first loudmouth down..."

One long ride into the sunset is a cliche and not what I intended.

"...it's just an observation"  is my favorite line in the song because of the way it's sung in performance, it's drawn out and is an ironic comment.

There is no reason to repeat the first stanza at the end, I continued with the refrain in Billy's voice, not the narrator's.

I guess we all need to remember that a critique is not a re-writing of someone's piece, but a comment on how the writer himself can re-write it to improve it.  Cheers, Richard

THIS is VERY GOOD--just some changes I would make...

I talked to Billy's ghost this morning
in Fort Sumner, where
he gestured for a light, and ordered us a beer
after he downed his bowl of chili
I asked if he lived near-by
his answer was silence and a sort of sigh, 
and then he looked me dead in the eye"[/color]

"Many think they got me,
neatly tucked away, think they tell my story,
but that's not what I say,
Trust me when I tell ya, they got nuthin 
but a plot dug' n'the 'ground
my spirit run off before they 
threw that body down
covered up the lies, in that one-horse town

All I was lookin' for, all it was, I wanted,
was a house of my own outside Ruidosa,
and one kind word from a little Margarita.
Ya see, Texas, n'me  never got along, 
nothin' but trouble was what I found
they would'a broke my heart an'soul if I let'em
traded 'em both for a song

The ladies in Muleshoe was nice an' kinda sweet,
but the gamblers at the tables
meant to cut and cheat,
drink me, stupid, rob me blind, they'd steal the boots
off your feet.

but the freedom that I FELT, on that run
as if along the edge of a knife  
was nothin' compared to the hot July night, 
on the bank of the Soco 
when I told a wild, young thing 
thet her hair and skin
made my head and heart sing [/color]

feel that prairie fire spreading
through the corners of your room,
the north wind howling inside your afternoon.

"How it all got started
was I shot that loudmouth down, my white hat
got trampled in the dust, on the ground,
one long ride into the sunset,
with no trace of the coming moon,
evene sittin' round the camp-fire
could not carry a cowboy tune."

After that first mess-up, there was nothin' I could do, 
an'that's not a reason or an excuse
it's just a darn true observation.
was nothin' under the sun, but ta turn an' face-off,
gun ta gun.

Feel that prairie fire in your room,
the north wind inside your afternoon.

[color=#0000ff]I talked to Billy's ghost this morning
at an all night diner, where
I gave him a light
and he gave me, his story...
told me all he ever wanted
while we were sittin' there  

G
I talked to Billy's ghost this morning
                                      C
at an all-nite diner in Fort Sumner.
 G
After he finished his chili
     D                         C
he turned to me for a light;
   Am
I asked him if he lived here
                       D             C      G
he said, a long time, long time ago
            C                            G
and we both of us ordered a beer.

He told me:
there's some people think they know me,
others think they own my story.
They think they got my grave
an' it's filled up with me,
but my spirit left this town,
I'm here to tell you now,
long before they threw my body down.
Am                      G
All's I was looking for,
          D       C
all's I ever wanted
           G             Em
was a house on a ridge
                 G
outside Ruidosa,
             C                     D      G
and one kind word from Margarita.

Me an' Texas, we never got along,
nothin' but big trouble over there.
They would'a stole my heart an'soul
an' traded 'em for a whiskey, for a song.
Women in Muleshoe was nice an' kind
but the gamblers over there in Cut 'n Shoot
meant to drink me under the table blind.

An' the freedom that I had,
that run along the edge, was nothin'
compared to the look on the face
of that wild, black-haired woman
when I swore to her on a July night,
on the bank of the Soco River,
that her skin was made of light.
Am                            G
Feel that prairie fire spreading
                  D                    C
through the corners of your room,
             G             Em
feel the north wind howling
G              D        G
inside your afternoon.

After my career got started,
after I shot that first loudmouth down,
my white hat got trampled in the dust,
it turned into one long sunset
with no trace of oncoming moon.
Sittin' round the midnight fire
I could not carry a cowboy tune.

After that first messed up shootout
there was nothin' I could do to stop it,
that's not a reason or an excuse
it's rightly just an observation.
There was nothin' to do under the sun
but turn around for the face-off,
gun straight towards another gun.
Am                                   G
Feel that prairie fire in your room,
                        D           C       G
the north wind inside your afternoon.
Am              G
All's I ever wanted
          D             C
All's I ever hoped for
         D C     G
All's I ever wanted.



(audio)

http://www.goear.com/listen/ba039c9/billy-the-kids-ghost-ballad-rc-james