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This Is What Is In a Name (Read 225 times)

peach Supreme Member Offline I Love Cafe Poetica! Posts: 1511 Joined: Apr 21^st, 2009	Re: This Is What Is In a Name Reply #4 - Oct 29^th, 2010 at 1:42am	Print Post
	I get a feel from this-- how close to your intent I cannot know but here it is... You took the name of a man who took you in, accepting me as well, into his arms, a child, your daughter, not his, How did that feel? Did you smile, cry look away? I want your name, the new one, I wish to discard, the one from the bastard who left us Though I wonder about the artist, the free spirit, everyone warned against... He sounds a little like me... the part ... wanting, not the better part ...reluctant to go...
	« Last Edit: Oct 29^th, 2010 at 1:52am by peach »

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Tim Supreme Member Offline Posts: 4134 Location: near dusk with a halo of gnats Joined: Nov 3^rd, 2005	Re: This Is What Is In a Name Reply #3 - Sep 27^th, 2010 at 3:03am	Print Post
	Hi Cyn, Sorry, but unlike Terence, I couldn't relate all of those personal pronouns to each other; and I don't know how to offer any critique beyond this comment, until I can sort it out. I've tried this three times. Must be the rust. Namasté, ~Tim


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Terence Gold Star Member Offline in an English country garden ... Posts: 900 Joined: Mar 15^th, 2006	Re: This Is What Is In a Name Reply #2 - Sep 21^st, 2010 at 6:15pm	Print Post
	Hi Cyn, A fine piece that took me a couple of reads to fully relate the characters. Two thoughts "not his, instead, the one from the bastard" I found this confusing, perhaps "not his, not the one from the bastard". I'm also confused by the last sentence. Perhaps you just want to leave it up to the reader, in which case I would guess "to go" to grandfather's funeral. Terence
	« Last Edit: Sep 21^st, 2010 at 6:49pm by Terence »

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nas Supreme Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 9444 Joined: Sep 11^th, 2006	Re: This Is What Is In a Name Reply #1 - Sep 21^st, 2010 at 5:00pm	Print Post
	Hi Cyn Good to see you on the train again. I feel the anger and touch of fear in the poem. Names are so important. A few thoughts, use or discard as you wish. Quote: You took the name of a man who took you << I wondered why a man and not the man in and took me in his arms, a child, your daughter. Did you know? Did you look <<much implied by the questions did you know and did you look away away? I since have wanted your name, not his, instead, the one from the bastard who left you (and your sister and your mother to die and leave you <<here I get a bit lost with the relationships especially when you go on to say "who your mother married" when I thought it was the "you" but maybe I'm getting confused alone). I wonder about this man, this artist, free spirit, who your mother married against the will of family, friends. He sounds like me. Though I’m afraid <<I like this but it doesn't feel connected enough to the rest. The focus is on "you" throughout and the shift throws me a bit. to go.


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Cyn Topic Starter Gold Star Member Offline Posts: 789 Joined: Jan 30^th, 2006	This Is What Is In a Name Sep 21^st, 2010 at 6:14am	Print Post
	This Is What Is In a Name You took the name of a man who took you in and took me in his arms, a child, your daughter. Did you know? Did you look away? I since have wanted your name, not his, instead, the one from the bastard who left you (and your sister and your mother to die and leave you alone). I wonder about this man, this artist, free spirit, who your mother married against the will of family, friends. He sounds like me. Though I’m afraid to go.


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