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peach
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Re: ** Just a Thought
Reply #2 - Oct 20th, 2011 at 2:11am
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excised and reposted...
  
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Re: As Seen
Reply #1 - Jan 2nd, 2010 at 7:27am
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A unique look at the pregnant figure caught on camera.  I like the first verse best, the warm protective feel.  It gets a bit too abstract for me later on in the poem.

Quote:
how gentle a study
this swollen orb,
burgeoning, it's core,  <<--full stop after burgeoning.  Its has no apostrophe
coming to fruition,

sheltered within the outward curve, <<--full stop
a figure, drawn inside a bevelled lense,  <<--should be lens
observed and set, the fragile wrap,
delicate flesh, swaddled, tucked
in close and warm, motion slowed,
as black on white,
precious seconds, caught,
preserved, unhatched,
snatched, as snapped,
unmatched, not left to pass,
unnoticed,

I wonder at my take, on this,
whether thin as a dissipating mist,
or thick as a ripening fruit,
the beauty inside the blossom,
accented by its bounty,
extends beyond itself,   
outward, as thought,
as each heart, each mind,
perceives, things differently,
the independent eye,
focuses reflectively,
provokes, an intimacy, as near
a rendering, to the actual act,  <<--what do you mean by "the actual act?  Sex?
proof in the shock, the exposed
posture,
of a vivid, living being,

less striking, perhaps,
supposed, suggested,
only, as a random
sketch,
or etching transposed,
atop, a separate image,
might emerge, more palatable,
composed of charcoal,
or traced in ink on parchment,
overlaid, it's parts, taken apart,
rearranged on canvas,  <<--I kind of lost focus in this verse

exactness, far more tangible,
more evocative, uninhibited
as the reach of knowing arms,
held 'round reality,
this perfect space, therein,
the possibility,
of dreams, yet,
to be,
dreamed.  <<--I like the ending but feel it gets a bit buried with everything else




Just a thought on how I see the poem, maybe a bit shorter and stronger.

how gentle a study
this swollen orb, burgeoning. 
Its core coming to fruition,
sheltered within the outward curve.

A figure, drawn inside a bevelled lense,
observed and set, the fragile wrap,
delicate flesh, swaddled, tucked
in close and warm, 
Precious seconds, caught,
preserved in black and white, 
unhatched, 
not left to pass unnoticed.

This perfect space, 
the possibility,
of dreams, yet,
to be,
dreamed.
  
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peach
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***    Just a Thought
Jan 1st, 2010 at 1:40pm
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How gentle a study, 
a seed coming to fruition?
--a burgeoning blossom
bathed in the softness
of an unmatched 
resting place,
held wrapped, safe and secure,

a sanctuary more striking
in the flesh, 
perhaps more tolerable,
in abstract,
like an etching poised atop
a separate image,

vuewed in private, contained,
not meant 
to photograph or display
though exactness, thought
the goal of the true artist, 

What vision then, more 
evocative,
more primal, more beautiful,
than the core of intimacy 
between a woman, ripe with babe,
its cradle, her embrace
« Last Edit: Nov 21st, 2011 at 7:58am by peach »  
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