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Normal Topic a tanka upon awakening (Read 197 times)
randy
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Re: a tanka upon awakening
Reply #6 - Sep 24th, 2009 at 9:47pm
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Lucy - great suggestion! I love it. Thanks for finding my elusive haiku! Smiley

Randy
  
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Lucy
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Re: a tanka upon awakening
Reply #5 - Sep 24th, 2009 at 8:54pm
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Enjoyed this muchly!  I, too, am fond of forms.  It is my understanding that a haiku no longer has to conform to 17 syllables.  For example you might write:
Sunshine warms my room, 
you cannot be with me -- or you are not here
I write a poem.

or something like that.  See what you think.    Lucy
  
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randy
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Re: a tanka upon awakening
Reply #4 - Sep 23rd, 2009 at 8:44pm
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nas - thanks for the reply!

I know what you're saying....It all started with the last line and feelings in the other 4.  I wanted it to be a haiku (and it still might become one), but for the life of me I couldn't find a way to squeeze it into the necessary 3 lines/17 syllables. 

R Smiley
  
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nas
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Re: a tanka upon awakening
Reply #3 - Sep 23rd, 2009 at 8:24pm
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Very wistful  /Randy

If this weren't a tanka I might question whether you need the penultimate line, since it is implicit in the craving your presence and writing a poem instead.
  
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randy
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Re: a tanka upon awakening
Reply #2 - Sep 23rd, 2009 at 5:37pm
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Thank you, Terry.

wistfull -- I like that. Smiley
  
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Terry
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Re: a tanka upon awakening
Reply #1 - Sep 23rd, 2009 at 5:30pm
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Randy,

Warm, very warm and wistfull fealing, given here, love the lingering
effect it has on me.

Beautifull Tanka.  Kudos!


Terry
  
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randy
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a tanka upon awakening
Sep 23rd, 2009 at 2:51pm
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Sunshine warms my room,
golden light casts long shadows.
I crave your presence,
but you cannot be with me --
I write a poem instead.
  
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