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Hi Tim, this is such a powerful poem. It so eloquently represents in poetic form, like a distillation an essence of a scene or scenes or emotions of deeply felt anger and resolve. You have a style of line breaks that seems to me to be a more visual way of presentation, than logical. It isn't a negative just a preference you have for this manner of presentation, for me it is irritating but I am certain it isn't anything more than my preferences and I can get over my bias pretty easily since I know that I prefer a speaking style of presentation. The only part of the poem that doesn't flow for me is here: "That bargain works like this: 1. I will always find my way home after the witching hour. 2. the porch light will be on, even if I work late and the morning, settling into its own cups of coffee, ignores me as I pass. 3. When I get home, nothing in our bedroom will have changed. Your feet will still be cold, yet rub mine with welcome. I will need to struggle, endlessly, to get enough sheets, and our kids, knowing where the cereal is kept, can start their day without me. " My suggestion is this: The bargain works like this, I will always find my way home after the witching hour. The porch light will be on for me, even if I work late and the morning, settling into its own cups of coffee, ignores me as I pass. When I get home, nothing in our bedroom will have changed. Your feet will still be cold, yet rub mine with welcome. Even though I will need to struggle, endlessly, to get enough sheets, and our kids, knowing where the cereal is kept, can start their day without me. Overall I think that this is a beautiful poem and it was a pleasure to read, re-read, and taste my tongue as the words flowed. Joe 1. Father When a mastiff fixes its maw around a bone, before the trap sinks, before the gnawing, the unbearable slather of saliva-like sweat is what I wake to, alone. Unable to counter the lock on my spine, night transfixes me to my bed. Each breath releases, until I rise into the illusion of that something only night brings. For my father, it was a simple game played in casinos, un-hinged by wins or losses: he'd rub each card like a charm; nothing else could fill the space between his knuckles, when he felt the urge to bend or fold. The trick, he'd say, is to focus on the players and never let your hands become too predictable. For twelve hours at a time, he'd sit and watch life rotate around his chair, between cups of coffee, the others drifting pass, divorced from his table with little curses and no goodbyes. 2. Son Two sheriffs came late in the morning, their sharp knock a departure. Monday, I dressed with all I could grab into a duffle bag, three minutes packed into a lifetime. You left and took the girls to your mom's, days ago. I phoned yesterday to say that our neighbor, Jack, passed away in his garden. His son, who appeared weekly to till the sour ground, uproot tiny egg plants only to leave them on our back door, called me over to offer the last of Jack's tomatoes, fruit that sat for days in his bowl, because it refused to ripen. Today, I took the last one as I surrendered my house keys and walked out. 3. Spirit If a lover work overnights, there is a bargain made every time he wakes up, dresses and walks down the steps to whatever punch-clock awaits him. That bargain works like this: 1. I will always find my way home after the witching hour. 2. the porch light will be on, even if I work late and the morning, settling into its own cups of coffee, ignores me as I pass. 3. When I get home, nothing in our bedroom will have changed. Your feet will still be cold, yet rub mine with welcome. I will need to struggle, endlessly, to get enough sheets, and our kids, knowing where the cereal is kept, can start their day without me.
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