peach,

Some thoughts...the rhythm is a bit choppy, with uneven syllable counts and quite abrupt meter changes. For instance:

S1 has syllable counts of 9-8-9-9
S2 has syllable counts of 12-8-9-9

I read them thus:

Illumined by a candle-lit ledge 
da-DUM-da-da-DUM-da-da-da
Beneath a wrought iron balustrade 
da-DUM-da-DUM-da-da-da-DUM
A pale beauty and a young man met
da-da-DUM-da-da-da-DUM-da
In the quiet of a courtyard glade
da-da-DUM-da-da-da-DUM-da-DUM

Summoned by passion or ordinary intent
DUM-da-da-DUM-da-da-DUM-da-da-da-DUM
Who could ever dream or foresee?
DUM-da-DUM-da-DUM-da-da-DUM
The horror about to befall them 
da-DUM-da-da-DUM-da-DUM-da-DUM
Once the cozy duet, became three  (lose the comma here)
DUM-da-Dum-da-DUM-da-DUM-da-da


Was it your intent to capitalize each line? If not, you can adjust youor WP program accordingly. Generally a line is only capitalized if it is a name, the beginning of a sentence or for dramtic effect.

Keep in mind that all crits are OPINIONS of the one doing the crit and are not carved in stone...or any other non-porous material. Take from each crit what makes sense to you, what you think is a helpful suggestion, and ignore the rest. After all, it is YOUR poem and you know best how it should look and sound.

Thanks for the read and keep posting.

writer

   
Illumined by a candle-lit ledge 
beneath a wrought iron balustrade 
a pale beauty and young man met
in the quiet of a courtyard glade.

Summoned by passion or innocent 
they could never dream or foresee
the horror about to befall them 
once their cozy duet, became three.

Possessed of a singular purpose,
not to see their relationship end
rather see her dead than leave him
took her life and that of her friend

As detectives observed the carnage
the chance of escape a few feet away
the attack so cold and savage
the vow, a swift judgement day

A strange twist of fate or other
a verdict we don't understand
he got away with murder
at least for his pathetic life span