This-Then!

Hello Cyn,

Let me be brief. This poem lays out the timeline with 'then', 'later', 'now' and concludes with the comparison of 'like then'. Given that this subject matter/event and the repercussions of that event have been written about in previous poems allows me some latitude in following the poem.

The one point of risk in this poem are "convinced I am disappearing,//
a faded photograph", which pays off in dividends. A "faded photograph" is attached to 'now' allowing it multiplicity in meaning
with regards to the sentence it is included in as one option, as well as the stanzaic company it keeps. I could expand further, but why?

The second point of risk goes like this: while the partner of a person undergoing chemotherapy might be aversed in looking at his/her lover (or at least the lover might think so), it doesn't necessarily follow that the vehicle of this metaphor is true. Why would one be afraid to look at a faded photograph? 

Unless the photograph is a picture of the lover during chemotherapy. The turn within a turn, so to speak. It is this point the poem demands the reader get; however, on a superficial level, the analogy is that the "I" is merely disappearing like a faded photograph walks a fine line, since the emotion is rooted into the 'later', when the picture is taken, but not established. 

If I'm wrong, I'm the biggest blowhard. If I'm close, then the specificity of the picture is needed. Perhaps, the answer doesn't like in the poem itself, but in the title. The pan out from the lover holding the picture to immediacy of the writing of the 'later' period seems like a difficult jump, for me at least.

Not much to offer this time around, except well wishes.

Namaste,
~Tim

Hi Cyn

I think the change of layout does help make the poem clearer.  I see the disintegration of a relationship, the writer looking at photos of herself - when she was young, thin but unhappy with her body image, when sick and down and now.  In the previous two the partner was there loving, caring.  Now he no longer gazes at her lovingly.   

The only question I would raise is that I have no sense of what the writer looks like now, how she feels about herself.  The last verse is very abstract in contrast to the first two where a clear picture is painted and understood.

This is an interesting lens from which to view the turmoil of past, present, and comes without the offer of future. When a subject is so personal but has an outstanding universal bent on truths - then - clarity becomes the hardest job of any poet. 

May i humbly suggest that you set this aside for awhile, pick it up again by reading it aloud, then decide if you fully understand the message you want readers to get.

There is a substance in this work that is worth your mental time.

With honest respect for your work,
cricket

revision

A Photo, Then

Then 
I am thin
but convinced 
I am fat.
My hair, still long,
your joy, shines
like our summer-colored skin.
You gaze with a fullness
you, still, hold for me.

Later
when the cysplat
takes my hair,
my hope, our child
you are afraid 
to look, convinced
I am disappearing,
a faded photograph.

Now
time steals time
Barely a chance
to glance, full
like then, and this photo

that does not show
how the shoulder
of the mountain shrugged
into her spring shawl of green,
shed it then in fall
to favor white, like
the veil I wear to hide
my thin skin.




Then

Then I am thin 
but convinced
I am fat.

You gaze with a fullness
of heart you have always
held for me. Later

when the Cysplat
takes my hair,
my hope, our child,

you are afraid
to look, convinced
I am disappearing,

a faded photograph.
Now, time steals time,
barely a glance, barely

a moment, to gaze
again, full, 
like then.