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Hot Topic (More than 10 Replies) Precious Gems (Read 867 times)
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Re: Precious Gems
Reply #1 - May 9th, 2008 at 7:06pm
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Hi Diane

I really like the metaphor of the jewel in a stone, it is a great one to use.  I'm not sure if I'm grasping what your intention is but I see a person who is battered and abused by another but from that something beautiful emerges.

There was another interpretation that crossed my mind but it didn't really fit (well certainly not with the ethos of PT) and that is the process of workshopping to produce a gem of a poem from something a little rough but I'm unsure of which you intend or are you trying to go for both?


Quote:

A bequest upon your gift <<this first line confuses me.  A bequest is something given to someone in a will and I'm not sure how it connects to a gift of nature and God.
from nature and from God,
a gemstone placed into your hands.  <<If my first interpretation is your intention then I feel you're telling the reader too early that it is a gemstone and taking away some of the impact of a beautiful object emerging at the end.

Your process is rough, <<as you say later "you treat your gem with harshness and abrasives, I'm not sure you need this line
tossing and tumbling to perfection, <<trying to force perfection???
as you treat your precious gem
with harshness and abrasives.

Bringing forth a shiner  <<shiner as slang for black eye??
of obsidian and amethyst,
the friction often overlooked
as raw jewel is battered and abused,
made to pay your dues,  <<I don't understand what you mean by "made to pay your dues" and I'm unsure of the importance of friction being overlooked.  

until something beautiful emerges –
that reflects back on you.  <<  This line seems to say to "the beauty reflects on you" ie makes you look good as if you've achieved something.  

I'm tired and not thinking very well tonight so if I've got this all wrong, I apologise.
« Last Edit: May 9th, 2008 at 7:41pm by Just_Daniel »  
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DianeEsk
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Precious Gems
May 9th, 2008 at 4:24pm
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Precious Gems

A bequest upon your gift 
from nature and from God,
a gemstone placed into your hands.

Your process is rough,
tossing and tumbling to perfection,
as you treat your precious gem
with harshness and abrasives.

Bringing forth a shiner 
of obsidian and amethyst,
the friction often overlooked
as raw jewel is battered and abused,
made to pay your dues,

until something beautiful emerges – 
that reflects back on you.

Inspired by something I read on PT, I have been working on this one for a bit...appreciate any ideas and suggestions for improvements.
« Last Edit: May 9th, 2008 at 4:26pm by DianeEsk »  
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