Norm,

I missed this thread. I come up with three thoughts:

1. Within the quote below, line #3 is redundant, the image of red ink on red pads is purposeful enough, imo.

Quote:


2. after stanza#10:

Quote:


the remaining stanzas remind me of 1984, but doesn't anything political. Down to the prison of fear and the standard issue ashtray. 

The very last line/comparison to a star has been done before and, for me, the whole poem could excise stanzas 11 and 12 as they seem to almost justify the N's tacit approval/complacency.

This line should be dropped down to the ending:
my face burning not with shame but exhaustion

3. I'm not overly fond of the minimalism of the poem (no offense nas if you're reading this; I like yours). While the poem moves in standard prose mechanics of ab bc cd, etc. in line/theme construction, there is no leap in the droning (which I understands coincides with the mechanical-ness of the N's life) into ephiphany for the reader and I have to wonder what does the minimalism serve without the abstract placement?

Those are my thoughts on the poem, spoken by an unpublished poet, mind you.

~Tim/azurepoetry

Hi Norm

A very disturbing poem indeed and one that will invoke a strong reaction in the reader.

I have to believe that the narrator is only working so close to such attrocities because he is hiding from a similar fate and that his prison is his fear of being discovered.

Any other interpretation would be unpalatable and would make him as culpable as those in the watch tower - complicit in the whole act of genocide, watching and doing nothing.

I like that the poet doesn't limit this to a time and place.  It could be any group anywhere and at any time, past, present or future.

I hope it's ok to quote excerpts - if not, please delete

Quote:


Why is it that these mass murderers use God and religion to justify their actions.  I like that god is not capitalised, showing it isn't the narrator's god and he is not a "believer" in this "city of believers"

Good play on "graveyard shift"

Masked men is another good way of making this universal.  The gunmen are featureless, just killing machines.

red in on red pads, gives the picture of blood and at the same time illustrates the recording and concealing.

Standard-issue ashtrays is an excellent way of very quickly and simply showing the type of oppression the rulers enforce.

I need to think more about the last verse.  At the moment I don't really understand it though I wonder if it is to do with the flame of passion or life seeming as remote as stars.