I like it very much, Dolly.  I think, however, that I'd like to see the redundancy of 'day' eliminited, and of course add the 4^th syllable in L4...

perhaps something like this:
Merrimuse wrote on Nov 26^th, 2008 at 11:48pm:

IMHO, I think it's a great poem, but since Daniel seems to know the best about this form, I'll wait for him to tell you if it's a lanturne or not.
~Davidf

Oh,  I see!   Will do.

Thanks Daniel,  I'll do the next one soon as I can get a round tuit.       Oh, by the way I changed winds to wind.  Thanks for pointing that at.

Lanturnes?   

Hey, David.  Great to see you in Poetic Forms again!  I took the liberty of re-formatting your poem for you, moving the lines back to flush-left and then using the centering icon above.  If you have trouble figuring that out, let me know.  Just left-click your mouse to scan/highlight the desired section and then click the 5th icon from the right on the top.

As to your lanturn attempt, I'd say that you're right on track, except line 4...  1) I don't think you want to end with a definite article, and 2) I think you can make the line a bit more self-sufficient... one of the 'expectations' of the form...

Maybe something like this ?



You might also want to consider the second paragraph of the form-description above...  There is another nuance besides the 12341 that you might want to give a try to as well...  but of course, one step at a time!

Looking forward to your continuing Light, Daniel  8)

Hello Literarious,

I think your lanturns are very good!  We'll have to ask Daniel if rhyming is allowed, but it sure reads well to me.  Good job!

Dolly