Just_Daniel wrote on Jun 8^th, 2009 at 7:20pm:


My friend,

Taking some liberties...providing some breaks...pauses that refresh?

Conditioned to respond, Wayne

David,

This is a good first effort. Each line needs a break, a pause. Something like:

Summer is a good time, for walking along the beach in flip-flops,
for eating luscious strawberries, and  slurping juicy watermelons,
School's kids are out, on vacation is in. and It's time to party!

This is one I wrote for Circadian Addiction awhile ago.

TIDES   

The sea-swell mirrors my heart; it lifts with each sight of you, 
then collapses futilely, achingly, with your good-bye.
The ocean fulfills itself with ebb and flow. I cannot.

Hope this helps.

writer

Sijo

More ancient than haiku, the Korean SIJO shares a common ancestry with haiku, tanka and similar Japanese genres. All evolved from more ancient Chinese patterns. Sijo is traditionally composed in three lines of 14-16 syllables each, totaling between 44-46 syllables. A pause breaks each line approximately in the middle; it resembles a caesura but is not based on metrics. You will also see this form broken from three lines into six-line format.

Best site for examples of Sijo poetry IMHO: http://thewordshop.tripod.com/Sijo/masters.html

You also might wish to visit: http://members.tripod.com/~Startag/IntroSijo.html

I personally own two books of Sijo poetry - check them out when you have time:
This one has modern versions of the form -- "Modern Korean Verse in Sijo Form" - Selected and Translated by Jaihiun Kim 
For the ancient poets - "Sunset in a Spider Web; Sijo Poetry of Ancient Korea" by Virginia Olsen Baron

I think this is my favorite:

Oh that I might capture the essence of this deep midwinter night
And fold it softly into the waft of a spring-moon quilt
Then fondly uncoil it the night my beloved returns.

...Hwang Chin-i (1522-1565) most revered female Korean classical poet
========================================================
Here are three I've recently written:

Sijo Sojourn #1

http://www.normpo.com/~Norman/BlowingShades_Sijo.jpg

Zephyr
Am I a zephyr in this lifetime...a temporal passing-by?
I have breezed through a few open windows...perchance touched some souls inside.
Upon my passing, push aside mourning shades...let this zephyr in.


Winds
Gentle winds lifted shades from pillowed view; now suspended, days slant.
Every sunlit morning thins; transparent rays promise finite warmth.
Translucent, the fabric of infinity has filtered my soul.


Breeze
Some chilled breeze determined to claim my bones, blows the frail shades aside.
Feeling like the last leaf on an old tree, my days exhaled and sighed.
A hardened stone or flower in the leaves? My offspring will decide.

© Norman S. Pollack  10/2006