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faux-ku ~ FOM May 08 (Read 333 times)

Just_Daniel Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline Slow down; things will go faster. ~ djr Posts: 8989 Location: South West New Jersey Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	why-died Reply #22 - Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:06pm	Print Post
	why-died ever seed fear? look at pupil die-laters taken hostage _{© MLee Dickens'son 17 Dec 2008}
	« Last Edit: Dec 17^th, 2008 at 9:09pm by Just_Daniel »

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Normpo Forum Administrator Offline Posts: 10830 Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	Re: faux-ku ~ FOM May 08 Reply #21 - May 13^th, 2008 at 6:19pm	Print Post
	Daniel, Maybe I simply MARCHED right into that one and should have responded with more AUGUST respect. I really have nothing to FALL back on, now. Norm


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Just_Daniel Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline Slow down; things will go faster. ~ djr Posts: 8989 Location: South West New Jersey Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	sage advice... Reply #20 - May 13^th, 2008 at 6:02pm	Print Post
	lol... here I suggest your only having one 'season' word, and I offer two 'spring's ! Yes, it is the crux, but again, since it's in your title, you have some extra syllables to play with, methinks. See what you can come up with that MAY (smile) have a double entendre. Lightly backpedalling, Daniel


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Normpo Forum Administrator Offline Posts: 10830 Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	Re: faux-ku ~ FOM May 08 Reply #19 - May 13^th, 2008 at 4:15pm	Print Post
	Daniel, I liked the "seasons" in there for the duality of spring and thyme -- that is the crux of the metaphor and wit, no? Thanks for helping -- I like the other edits. Norm


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Just_Daniel Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline Slow down; things will go faster. ~ djr Posts: 8989 Location: South West New Jersey Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	bastin'... Reply #18 - May 13^th, 2008 at 3:59pm	Print Post
	Normpo wrote on May 13^th, 2008 at 1:10pm: My first faux-ku *[ Congrats! (... and it's about thyme!* ) I like it; it has a lot going for it. Mind if I play with it a bit to 'tighten' it up? ] Seasoning ^{[ or something like a season's clothes ]} wholly spring wardrobe! holey spring wardrobe! ^{[ to sound more like 'Robin' ... or 'Mothman' ! ]} change over clothes with seasons, sew duds spring from the closet... sew ^{[ for another word-play... since 'seasoning' is already in your title's wordplay ? ]} it’s a stichin’ tyhme. a-stitchin' thyme ^{[ with no punctuation, of course ]} [ and certainly I like your final word-play! ]** bastin' sLightly, Daniel
	« Last Edit: May 13^th, 2008 at 4:07pm by Just_Daniel »

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Normpo Forum Administrator Offline Posts: 10830 Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	Re: faux-ku ~ FOM May 08 Reply #17 - May 13^th, 2008 at 1:10pm	Print Post
	My first faux-ku >>> Seasoning wholly spring wardrobe! change over clothes with seasons, sew it’s a stichin’ tyhme. © Norman S. Pollack


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Just_Daniel Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline Slow down; things will go faster. ~ djr Posts: 8989 Location: South West New Jersey Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	aidono Reply #16 - Apr 8^th, 2008 at 3:58pm	Print Post
	aidono he dribbled out a pathetic, lifeless coo... pigeon english _{© MLee Dickens’son 08 Apr 2008}
	« Last Edit: Apr 8^th, 2008 at 4:04pm by Just_Daniel »

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Just_Daniel Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline Slow down; things will go faster. ~ djr Posts: 8989 Location: South West New Jersey Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	writer's trike Reply #15 - Nov 20^th, 2007 at 9:31pm	Print Post
	writer’s trike no wares to pedal their wheres with big wheels; scabs knead heelin’ _{© MLee Dickens’son 20 Nov 2007}
	« Last Edit: Apr 8^th, 2008 at 4:06pm by Just_Daniel »

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Just_Daniel Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline Slow down; things will go faster. ~ djr Posts: 8989 Location: South West New Jersey Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	faux-cue Reply #14 - Jan 3^rd, 2007 at 3:43pm	Print Post
	faux-cue my folk you know would never... youse such words! yew gnarly, Carly? _{[ since Carly asked about this genre today ]}
	« Last Edit: Apr 8^th, 2008 at 4:04pm by Just_Daniel »

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Just_Daniel Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline Slow down; things will go faster. ~ djr Posts: 8989 Location: South West New Jersey Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	a fLighty critic's 'ere Reply #13 - Nov 27^th, 2003 at 4:24pm	Print Post
	Well folks, this occurred to me this mornin' while offerin' a lite crit to a friend on another site. I'm thinkin' it might fit as me TAG! Whatcha think? How's it to YOUR EAR? a fLighty critic's 'ere ruggedly eye'd wing defying all gravity too off 're my thoughts © Daniel J Ricketts 27 Nov 2003
	« Last Edit: Nov 14^th, 2005 at 9:18pm by Just_Daniel »

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Just_Daniel Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline Slow down; things will go faster. ~ djr Posts: 8989 Location: South West New Jersey Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	moving... Reply #12 - Nov 8^th, 2003 at 5:37pm	Print Post
	stargirl wrote on Nov 4^th, 2003 at 5:11pm: ok i have to know!!!!!how the jelly fish you did that with the pretty lines, colours and movement....... wow .... Hey, stargirl! Sorry I've not been here for a while. I have been (and will be) putting in long days at work before my coming operation, so I'll be sparse in these parts. When you hit the "Quote" or "Reply" buttons, you'll see the empy box to type or paste your piece in, of course. Above it is are two tool bars and a bar of Smileys. On the right of them is the color bar. See? It says "Black" Hit the down arrow and you'll see the various colors. Highlight what you want colored in this box, and then select the color. That is all there is to that! And the motion? See the <-M box in the middle of the first toolbar? Hightlight what you want to move and click that... and voila! Your line will move! How's that for a moving description? ... and welcome to Poem Train. Now... climb back aboard! Here's another faux-ku: quiet resign cold North Sea sailors immerse themselves deeply in covert sub mission © MLee Dickens’son 08 Nov 2003
	« Last Edit: Aug 24^th, 2011 at 2:20pm by Just_Daniel »

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stargirl Full Member Offline I've been away, but now I'm back., I think!!!! Posts: 56 Location: slowly going mad in cornwall Joined: Oct 30^th, 2003	Re: HeadCase Haiku Reply #11 - Nov 4^th, 2003 at 5:11pm	Print Post
	Just_Daniel wrote on Nov 3^rd, 2003 at 11:16am: fall of dignity trees refuse to leave; they’ll cast costume to the wind, stand stark, arms outstretched © Daniel J Ricketts 03 Nov 2003 ok i have to know!!!!!how the jelly fish you did that with the pretty lines, colours and movement....... wow ....
	« Last Edit: Aug 24^th, 2011 at 2:16pm by Just_Daniel »

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Just_Daniel Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline Slow down; things will go faster. ~ djr Posts: 8989 Location: South West New Jersey Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	fall of dignity Reply #10 - Nov 3^rd, 2003 at 11:16am	Print Post
	fall of dignity trees refuse to leave; they’ll cast costume to the wind, stand stark, arms outstretched © Daniel J Ricketts 03 Nov 2003
	« Last Edit: Aug 24^th, 2011 at 2:12pm by Just_Daniel »

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Just_Daniel Topic Starter Supreme Member Offline Slow down; things will go faster. ~ djr Posts: 8989 Location: South West New Jersey Joined: Aug 2^nd, 2003	tied-died red Reply #9 - Oct 23^rd, 2003 at 2:07pm	Print Post
	Thanks for your additional thoughts, Todd. As I've said this 'brand' of haiku I've fostered here is really senryu with severe twists. Here's another, in light of the Boston Red Sox' recent and familiar demise: tied-died red ‘em bossed Sox stay red; they’ll be Yanked from their drawers when kept from bleachers. © Daniel J Ricketts 20 Oct 2003
	« Last Edit: Nov 14^th, 2005 at 9:09pm by Just_Daniel »

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ToddW Full Member Offline I love YaBB 1G - SP1! Posts: 46 Location: Illinois Joined: Sep 24^th, 2003	Re: HeadCase Haiku Reply #8 - Oct 2^nd, 2003 at 6:25pm	Print Post
	Hello, just thought I would put my 2 cents in. As I understand the forms, the Senyru and Haiku are the same in form and structure. The syllabic count is 5-7-5 with a ahh-ha or wow moment when read. The difference as I understand it is a Haiku is normally about something in nature ( birds, trees, etc.) and a Senryu is about life. I hope there is someone here that can correct me if I am mistaken. Todd


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